


Unspoken Feelings

by writteninbechloe



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26259739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writteninbechloe/pseuds/writteninbechloe
Summary: Beca and Chloe have had this thing - this unspoken connection - since they met at the activities fair two years ago. Since then they've become fast friends, but over the years, their friendship grew into something much more. Both seniors are afraid to admit their feelings for each other so it's a continuous loop of pining and heartache.
Relationships: Beca Mitchell/Jesse Swanson, Chloe Beale & Beca Mitchell, Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell, Stacie Conrad & Beca Mitchell
Comments: 13
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter One

It's unspoken. But it's there. It's always been there, ever since they first met eyes at the activities fair two years back.

The undeniable connection between Beca Mitchell and Chloe Beale sprung from a small glance shared between the two on Beca's first day on campus to singing in the shower together, (both naked – and wet), and ever since then the connection hasn't stopped growing.

It's undeniable, yet it's still denied by the two seniors.

Everyone else can see it – hell, even the girl's parents notice the lingering touches and the longing stares – but they refuse to admit it. Because admitting it would mean talking about it. Talking about feelings has never been something that Beca has been comfortable with.

Growing up in the Mitchell household was tough, it was continuous arguments and unspoken apologies, it was having emotions but not allowing yourself to feel them. Beca's parents never talked about their feelings, unless it was their opinions on a particular Tv show or whether or not Beca was allowed to get a dog, (She was not). So, her parents lack of communication meant Beca grew up in a home (it was more of a house) where she was taught that expressing your feelings was a sign of weakness.

Beca doesn't want to be seen as weak so she builds rather high walls around herself and hides her true emotions from everyone, but also herself.

She doesn't allow herself to feel.

Chloe, on the other hand could talk for days about literally anything to literally anyone, but when it comes to the girl's feelings about her best friend, she can't express a thing. It's like her mind is too full to process a single thought. And sometimes the redhead thinks that's how Beca makes her feel – full – content – happy.

But she doesn't allow herself to actually _feel_ those things. Because feeling would mean admitting and admitting would mean talking – something neither of the girl's are good at.

It took Beca weeks to admit that she had an internship at a recording studio because she's 'weird about that stuff' so admitting that she felt something more for the redhead than just friendship would definitely take some time.

* * *

As the brunette glances up at her best friend she catches her eye and they share a smile, one that grows on each of their faces when they notice the other isn't looking away.

Normally that's their _thing_ – Beca looks at Chloe, admires her and cherishes her beauty but as soon as Chloe looks up, Beca glances down, acting as if she wasn't just staring at her best friend. Chloe does it too, but she somehow manages to be a little more subtle than the brunette by faking an interest in something across the room or pretending to examine the state of her nails.

They finally tear their eyes from each other, because they have to at some point, although it's clear that neither girl would object to only looking at each other for the rest of their lives. Their gazes land on the rest of their friends; The Bellas, who are looking up at them with slightly bored expressions.

They have been in the auditorium for nearly an hour yet not a single girl has sung a word, much to their amusement – especially Emily, the youngest of the group. She seems to be even more enthusiastic about singing than Chloe if that's even possible. Chloe loves to sing, she thrives off of it, but the young Bella cannot go an hour without singing, which is why she looks about ready to explode.

"Does everyone remember the choreography?" Chloe asks, giving the group one of her famous and much loved (especially by Beca) Chloe Beale smiles.

Instead of a collection of mumbled responses, the girl is met with a chorus of questions and suggestions, one following after the other from nearly all of the girls.

Fat Amy is the first to respond, completely ignoring Chloe's question, "Can we get a snack first?"

It makes Chloe roll her eyes slightly because the question is so typical of Amy, she's always finding time throughout rehearsal to sneak over to her bag and munch on a few tortilla chips, or make a trip to the vending machine just outside the auditorium only to return with fistfuls of snack sized chocolate bars.

Chloe is about to tell Amy that there's only fifteen minutes left of rehearsal so she can wait until it's over, but then another Bella pipes in.

"When are we going to sing today?" Emily asks, her eyes shining with desperation, the urge to sing growing stronger with each passing minute.

The youngest Bella is adored by everyone – Amy has mixed opinions – but there are times where Chloe wants nothing more than for her to crawl under a rock and die. They will sing when they have perfected the choreography. And Emily, with her freakishly long giraffe legs is very clumsy – her moves are quite far from, as the former captain would say, 'two steps away from being almost fine' so the girl had a lot of improvements to make before she even thought about warming her voice up to sing.

"You're just as bad as Aubrey with the cardio." Cynthia Rose huffs, which causes Chloe to scrunch her nose up in frustration.

She is not very good at handling negative criticism and the Bellas seem to very persistent in handing it out today.

Chloe likes to think that she's a better a capella captain than her blonde best friend because she had a lot of control issues to overcome and she could also be kind of a bitch to the rest of the group if they weren't doing it how _she_ wanted it done. The fact that Beca was quite often on the receiving end of Aubrey's bitchy remarks always riled her anger. Ever since she met the girl and walked into her shower she felt the need to protect the small brunette, not that she needed protecting, Beca had quite the punch on her and her badass exterior was enough of a shield, but Chloe still wanted to have her back when people looked at Beca the wrong way or made a comment about her style – something Aubrey did an awful lot in her first few months of being Captain.

"Aubrey's cardio wasn't that bad." Stacie retorts with a suggestive smirk, which breaks Chloe from her downward spiral.

The other co-captain's head snaps up at the words. 'Only because you were getting special treatment from the bitchy blonde' Beca thinks, smirking to herself which makes Chloe turn to look at her with a knowing smile.

It's like sometimes the two girls share the same thought process.

Lily mumbles something that is missed by everyone, but it was definitely something about a dead body, possibly multiple.

Chloe loves the Bellas, they're her family, but sometimes she wants to tell them to 'shut the hell up' and go all Posen on their asses by making them run laps around the auditorium just to prove to them that she isn't as bad as the former captain of The Barden Bellas. But when she catches a glimpse of the scowl a few metres away from her, she's reminded that she is the mellower one of the two co-captains.

"Two-minute break." She announces, which receives a few cheers and a sigh of relief from the Asian Jesus of the group.

"How's it going?" Chloe questions once she's walked around the table and is now leaning behind Beca, peering at her laptop screen where Beca's music technology is displayed.

"Do they realise how hard it is to work on the set whilst they're complaining about everything?" The girl with the headphones around her neck lets out a groan.

Chloe laughs, the sound instantly bringing a smile to Beca's lips.

"Your complaining is just as bad." Chloe mentions, "I was trying to work on some new dance moves last night and you were whining the entire time because I was distracting you."

"The dance moves were distracting." Beca admits as she lifts her headphones from around her neck and places them on the table in front of her, giving the redhead her undivided attention.

The older girl's lips quirk up into a smirk, "Well, if you were watching me for long enough for it to distract you then you'll know them well enough to demonstrate them to everyone." She says and stands up straighter, reaching her hand out towards Beca. "Come on, Bec."

There is a moment of hesitation from Beca as she assesses her options, she can either latch on to Chloe's hand and let the girl guide her to the middle of the auditorium where they rehearse the dance moves together. Or, she can say no, and be the cause of Chloe's upset once again.

Beca decides that she isn't opposed to dancing with the redhead, especially because quite a few of the moves are pretty sexual, which means she has to dance _against_ her. It gives her an excuse to touch the other girl without it having to mean anything, so Beca accepts the hand and jumps up from the chair.

Before walking away with Chloe, the brunette spins around to her laptop and gets up the song that she knows Chloe was practicing the dance moves to the day before in the living room of the Bellas house.

All of the other Bellas are watching them more closely now, but Beca doesn't care. She's focusing on how her hand feels in Chloe's, just how right it feels.

When they reach the centre of the room their hands part, only for a few seconds before Chloe brings her hand up to Beca's waist. Beca is too fixated on the way Chloe's hand slips onto her waist, edging the material of her tank top upwards and resting her hand on the brunette's bare skin. It lightly tingles under Chloe's touch as she runs her thumb over her hipbone.

The younger girl's breath hitches in her throat and she's forced to swallow, attempting to fix her breathing pattern.

Why the hell is she so worked up by this? Chloe is her best friend – nothing more.

"Beca." Her name roles off Chloe's tongue, snapping her out of her thoughts.

She immediately looks up and her orbs lock onto those bright blue beauties she likes so much. Beca can barely process a single thought, Chloe's touch possessing her in a way that's so familiar – she has been under the redhead's control so many times but each time her mind fogs up like it's the first time she's ever been touched by the girl.

Chloe clears her throat, catching Beca's attention once again, "Your hand."

Beca swallows but the lump in her throat doesn't go away, so she coughs instead.

"What?" She mumbles once she's managed to clear her throat. She lowers her eyes, not capable of holding the contact knowing how intense the redhead's gaze can affect her.

"Put your hand on my shoulder." Chloe instructs, her tone is soft, showing Beca that she isn't demanding her, but the younger girl still does what she's told, unable to say no to her co-captain.

Once their hands are in the right places on each other's bodies, Chloe directs the dance move, taking control of the movement, rocking hers and Beca's bodies back and forth, creating friction between their bodies.

"Holy shit." Is all Beca can say when the movement comes to a stop.

"That was hot." Stacie comments, her eyes wide in thought.

Even though Chloe would never admit it out loud, she thinks it was hot too, having Beca touch her like that stirred something deep inside her, something she only wishes to explore more often. She just wants Beca's hands to return to her body, to relight the fire that's slowly flickering away since her hands were removed only moments ago.

It's no secret that both girls' are blushing furiously, almost matching the colour of Chloe's long locks.

"I think I need a cold shower." Stacie mumbles, earning a glare from the shorter brunette.

Beca is trying to remain calm but the dance she's just done is replaying on a continuous loop in her head and the comments from Stacie are really not helping the matter. Especially the mention of a shower – that only causes Beca's mind to wander back to freshman year when Chloe entered her shower unannounced, how they sang titanium and harmonised so perfectly together.

The thought of Chloe's naked body is making Beca's cheeks heat up all over again.

The other co-captain is having similar thoughts as she reminisces the particular shower that started it all. It was the first time she had heard the small, standoffish 'alt' girl sing, and Chloe loved that she was the first person Beca opened up to. She never sang in front of anyone – Beca had admitted that two weeks after joining the Bellas, but Beca was naked, wet and singing with her – _for_ her.

"Stacie, shut up." Beca scoffs, her jaw clenching.

Chloe giggles and leans down to place a chaste kiss to Beca's cheek which makes the brunette's blushing intensify, she groans lightly at the contact even though inside it's causing heart to beat a little faster and adrenaline to pulse through her veins.

"Becs, you're so flustered." She whispers with a smile.

The brunette groans once again, making everyone laugh but Chloe's giggle is all she can hear.

It's all too much for Beca – the touching, teasing, giggling, intensifying her hidden emotions. But what ultimately finished her off was the kiss to the check. Beca melted as soon as Chloe's lips and nose came in contact with her cheek.

"Okay, find your partners." Chloe calls and Beca is so thankful the attention has shifted from her.

Instead of joining in with her partner, Beca heads back over to her allocated table where her laptop and mixing equipment are already spread out. She takes her seat and quickly shoves her headphones on over her ears, blocking out the sound of the girls giggling as stitches plays through the speakers around the room.

She doesn't want to hear that song, because if she listens to the lyrics she'll think of a certain redhead, which will lead her gaze to drift over to where she knows she's running through the choreography.

Beca doesn't want to think about Chloe because then she'll think about the tight leggings and sports bra she's wearing and once that is drilling through her mind, she will want the real thing. She won't be able to keep her eyes away from the redhead across the room. If she stares at Chloe in tight gym clothes whilst she's dancing to very sexual routines, then she'll be forced to admit – forced to acknowledge those feelings that she's buried so deep beneath the surface.

So Beca fixes her gaze on a spot on her laptop screen, not allowing herself to drift her eyes upwards.

Chloe has always loved performing. The rush of adrenaline she receives from performing with the Bellas grows each time. The bigger the performance, the bigger the audience, meaning the bigger the adrenaline rush. But she loves performing for people more than anything – for one person in particular – Chloe loves performing for Beca.

Dancing with Beca was hot – so fucking hot – and she loved how exhilarating it felt to allow her hands to explore the younger girl's body with so much passion and longing. It was as if the connection between the two of them was finally being brought into the light, they were slowly beginning to accept it and Chloe truly thought this was Beca's way of communicating with her, telling her that she feels it too.

So Chloe decides to perform for Beca.

She shakes her ass a little harder and runs her hands down her body for longer than usual (taking a page out of Stacie's book). Her smile present on her face throughout the entire routine and her excitement growing as the song was coming to a close. Chloe looks up one final time with pure determination lighting up her face, she's smiling – her famous Chloe Beale smile that she knows Beca has always found irresistible.

She's so sure, she's never been so sure about anything in her life. This is it. This is the moment where she's going to finally express everything she's kept bottled up for the past two years.

She's going to tell Beca how she feels once and for all.

But when she looks up and her favourite pair of eyes don't meet her gaze, her stomach flips – not in the _loving someone so much that their smile makes my heart flutter and butterflies erupt in my stomach_ kind of way but in the uneasy kind of feeling because she's hit with the realisation that Beca hasn't been watching at all.

She's been performing for Beca, building up the routine until she's finally ready to reveal her grand gesture. Only to find out that Beca wasn't watching her.

Beca wasn't watching her perform.

Her smile drops from her face and it feels like she's been slapped – slapped so far into reality that she finally realises that everything she thought she had with her best friend has been a figment of her imagination.

She wanted Beca to look at her, to watch her – _to love her_ – so badly that she's seeing what she wants to see.

She thought Beca had returned those feelings. She was so sure. But now she knows – understands – that none of that had been real. She just saw – _felt_ – what she wanted to be true.

"Okay, that's it. Well done guys." Chloe says, clapping with a slight smile on her face when she calls the end of rehearsals. The smile was nothing more than fake – but she's going to have to get used to fake feelings so why not start now?

She has to admit, she's proud of the Bellas and how far they've come.

Aubrey appointing Beca as the captain is one of the best things she could have done, and Beca requesting Chloe to take the role as co-captain is also pretty great. Except for when Beca is in one of her 'distant and cold' moods and she won't let Chloe comfort her. Every time she gets pushed away by the brunette it breaks her heart a little. But she doesn't push her and she certainly doesn't pry so Chloe allows Beca to feel – or not feel – however she wants without questioning it.

"Hey, Chlo." Beca calls from where she's loading her laptop and mixing equipment into her laptop bag.

Her co-captain spins on her heels and approaches her at the table. She's been friends with Beca long enough to know how Beca puts up her walls when she wants to hide her emotions, so if Beca can do it, she can too.

"What's up, Becs?" The redhead asks sweetly, twiddling her thumb ring whilst she waits for Beca to finish packing up her equipment.

"I won't be back at the house till later." The brunette says, adjusting the strap of her bag over her shoulder and standing up from the chair she's occupied for the majority of rehearsal.

It's in Chloe's nature to be curious, especially when it comes to Beca, she wants to know everything about her – in a totally not possessive/psychotic way of course. She just wants to be the one person in Beca's life that knows her better than anyone else. She just wants Beca. And wants Beca to want her back just the same.

So that's why Chloe catches herself hesitating, she wants to ask why Beca has been so distant lately, why she's not returning her missed phone calls or why she's missed the last three Bellas movie nights. Chloe's missed having Beca next to her on the couch, where the brunette's feet would slowly edge towards Chloe's lap and the night would end with the two girls' bodies pressed closer together than when the movie started.

But deep down she knows it's this god forsaken unspoken connection the two shares.

Beca is being distant because that's all she knows, and Chloe knows she should prod Beca until she finally stops running away, forcing her to talk. However, just knowing how much that would hurt them both stops Chloe's thoughts from adapting into real scenarios.

Not talking is just...safer. It's safer because this way neither girl is hurting the other. But Chloe is still hurting. She's hurting so fucking much because Beca won't even look at her.

"Okay," Chloe retorts, her lips quirking upwards into a smile.

Beca nods, not even bothering to look up at the redhead, which sends a punch to her gut.

It's too painful for Chloe to watch the younger girl walk away from her once more so she spins on her heels and exits the auditorium first, not waiting for Beca so the two of them can walk across campus together – another one of their unspoken understandings which happens after every single Bellas rehearsal.


	2. Chapter Two

"Who's ready to get their party on?" Amy bellows from the kitchen of the Bella house but her voice is so loud that she manages to travel throughout the entire house and soon enough every member of the a Capella group – minus one – is gathered in the kitchen with huge smiles on their faces.

Everyone is smiling but there's one expression that differentiates from the others. The smile belonging to the beautiful, bubbly redhead isn't as exaggerated. She's only smiling slightly, her lips lifting upwards enough to pass as a grin but if anyone was to examine her expression more intensely, they'd realise it's fake.

Chloe can't seem to meet the other girls excitement, she'd been looking forward to the treble's party at the beginning of the week but now that Friday night has finally came around all she wants to do is shuffle back upstairs and crawl into her bed.

She knows the reasoning behind her dampened mood, the reason why she's found herself feeling so glum lately. But she doesn't allow herself to acknowledge that, so when Jessica asks, "What's wrong?" all Chloe can come out with is "Period cramps." Which is understood by the other girls, so they don't question her further.

It's been three days since the last Bellas rehearsal, which definitely wouldn't have happened whilst Aubrey was the captain of the Bellas. The last two scheduled practices were cancelled by the redhead because she had the flu, or at least that's what she told the other girls.

But Chloe hasn't been sick in years, her healthy breakfast smoothies and scheduled workout routine are very important factors of her life.

She doesn't have the flu. She isn't even sick, not really, yet she still feels like shit.

She's running on two hours of sleep and the headache she's currently nursing feels like something is squeezing her eyeballs out.

She lay in bed last night staring out the window, counting the stars before getting distracted and starting again. This lasted for about an hour before Chloe realised she had started to zone out, so she shuffled in her position all night until her eyelids eventually slipped shut nearing four in the morning.

She is so frustrated and tired but the exhaustion she's feeling is not the type of tired that sleep will fix – she could sleep for twelve hours and wake up feeling the same way she's been feeling for weeks, months even.

So what the hell is wrong with her?

Chloe tells herself that she's been so stressed lately because she's simply been overworking herself, to ensure that the Bellas routines are perfect and poised. Her anxieties about leaving the Bellas had geared their way into her head.

The Bellas – the a Capella group itself and the people in it – are her life and they have been for years. She just isn't ready to let that go yet. Chloe is terrified of leaving the Bellas – leaving Beca.

Jumping into the unknown is such a horrifying thought for her and she doesn't know how to overcome it. Aubrey graduated and moved on without her – they still skype and text each other but she isn't around every day (or rarely ever) like she used to be so Chloe can't talk to her about the way she's feeling.

Beca would also be someone she vents to but Beca's being distant and cold so she can't talk to her either.

Chloe is beginning to feel so alone, they haven't even graduated yet and everyone is already leaving her. And that scares her so fucking much – being alone. Being forgotten.

But it's not just that, Chloe knows the main reason behind her funk. She knows exactly what – _who_ – is making her feel like this.

Beca effin' Mitchell.

She's so scared of being without Beca, but the way Beca is purposely distancing herself from her because she doesn't want to be around her makes her feel like she's already lost her. She hates herself for allowing Beca to become so important in her life that she can't imagine ever living without the brunette, she doesn't ever want to live without her. But Chloe knows it's going to happen, at some point along the line, Beca will leave her. Whatever the two of them share won't last forever. They will graduate and they'll go their separate ways.

Beca will do amazingly wonderful things with her music, hopefully becoming a producer like she's always dreamed of. She's worked hard for it, so she definitely deserves to have her dreams come true. The older girl admires the other for staying at the campus radio station for so long even though she was just stacking cd's and records. She never stopped putting herself out there, giving Luke USBs of her mashups every week even though she knew he just tossed them onto a pile.

Then when Beca got her internship at residential heat she hadn't told Chloe about it – choosing to keep it a secret from her – from everyone except Jesse. When Beca finally snapped and told Chloe about the internship she admitted that she was afraid of failure, she didn't want to tell Chloe because she was scared it wouldn't work out and she didn't want the redhead to think she's a failure.

But she could never be a failure in Chloe's eyes.

Beca was perfect – her imperfections and insecurities only made Chloe love her more.

Chloe would still love Beca if she failed completely in the music industry and worked in retail for the rest of her life. Not that Chloe would ever let that happen, she wouldn't let Beca ever give up on her dreams.

Becoming a music producer is the one and only thing Beca has ever wanted, and at times that hurts Chloe – knowing that Beca will never want her as much.

But she loves that Beca has never given up despite her father's negative words and discouragement. She loves that Beca inspires herself to continue, to keep trying, to keep moving forwards. She doesn't let anyone hold her back.

But what Chloe doesn't know, is that Beca does in fact have an inspiration that allows her to thrive, someone she relies on for words of wisdom, someone that motivates her when she just wants to give in to her frustration and throw her keyboard across the room (not that Beca would ever do that – her music equipment is too expensive to replace). Someone that always makes her smile when she's so close to breaking. Someone that makes the beat of her mashups flow so easily.

Beca has an inspiration – a muse.

Her name is Chloe Beale.

Chloe hasn't got the flu. She hasn't been sick in years. She just misses Beca. She misses her so much it's effecting her physical and mental health.

On the first day that Chloe was hauled up in her room, lying in her bed covered with blankets, the Bellas tried to make her feel better.

Flo made her some soup – she swore it had some kind of magic healing herbs in it. But Chloe wasn't hungry, the last thing she wanted to do was eat.

Although Chloe felt like the life had been sucked out of her, she's still Chloe Beale. She didn't want to offend Flo by not eating the soup, so she waited for her to leave and flushed it down the toilet.

The Bellas usually cheered her up when she felt glum but even their best efforts just were not enough.

"Chloe?" Chloe is snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of her name.

"Huh?"

"Are you coming?" Stacie asks.

Cynthia Rose looks up and down at Chloe's outfit – sweatpants, hoodie and a blanket – and scoffs slightly.

In response, the redhead shrugs, with a light shake of her head. "I'm not really feeling up to it."

Chloe has no plans to leave the house any time soon and certainly not to go to a treble party. She just wants to wallow in bed with a tub of ice cream.

So, the redhead moves around the other girls until she reaches the freezer, pulling open the door and retrieving a tub of peanut butter and cookie dough ice cream. Beca's peanut butter and cookie dough ice cream that no one dare touch, too afraid of the threat made by the small brunette. ' _If you touch my ice cream, I'll hunt you down and kick your ass so hard into next year AND make holes in every condom in this house._ '

It was an empty threat, considering how at least half of the girls are gay, and those who aren't are on birth control but Beca thought it was threatening at the time.

At least it's a one up from Aubrey's threat to have wolves rip out your vocal cords.

Once Chloe has selected a spoon and span around to face the other girls, she's just about to head back upstairs but Amy stops her by grabbing her wrist.

"Uh...that's Beca's." She says, glancing down at the ice cream tub then back up at the redhead. Amy's eyebrows are knitted as she examines Chloe's expression – a hard scowl.

"I know." She replies, shaking off Amy's hand and gliding passed her.

The other Bellas watch, no one adding to the conversation. They've all noticed the differences in their co-captain's behaviour but don't know the reasoning behind it.

"She'll kill you," Fat Amy hisses as thinks about what the big (small) mighty Beca Mitchell will do when she finds out someone has been eating her ice cream.

Chloe doesn't respond, unbothered by the second-hand threat, because if Beca is killing her then at least she'll actually be looking at her.

"She'll rip all your condoms." Stacie adds.

That finally forces some kind of reaction out of Chloe, she chuckles to herself, thinking about how the only person she actually wants to fuck is Beca and condoms aren't exactly needed for that, unless what Beca had yelled at Aubrey after one of the very first Bellas rehearsals Beca's freshman year had been true. Maybe Beca did have a dick after all, that would explain why she acts like a dick most of the time.

"Chloe?" Amy tries again.

Her head snaps up and she's met with the gaze of every Bella. "What?"

"What's going on with you?" Stacie steps forwards, concern written in her eyes. Stacie's soft expression gives Chloe the overwhelming urge to cry, she feels tears begin to form in her eyes but blinks them away immediately. She can't cry in front of the entire group; she is supposed to be one of their captains. But she hasn't felt like much of a leader lately and isn't sure why anyone would want to follow her.

"Nothing." Chloe shakes her head, eyes darting to her bare feet, then scooping a small spoonful of the ice cream and sliding it into her mouth.

"You're acting like Beca," Amy admits, causing a few of the Bellas to gasp and step back. Jessica and Ashley share a glance, and within seconds they are disappearing from the kitchen.

"What?" Chloe's tone is harsher now, alerting Amy that she crossed the line.

"You're being cold, you know, like Mitchell is at times."

Chloe scoffs and tightens her jaw – she doesn't even realise she's doing it until she picks up on the look Amy is giving her.

"I'm not." She denies, even though she's quite clearly adapted some of Beca's mannerisms.

"You know what always helps Beca when she's in these funks?" The blonde's grin widens and her eyes glisten in excitement. Usually Chloe thrives off of other people's excitement with her own but today the happy expression only makes her feel like crying again. "A party." Fat Amy answers herself before Chloe can intervene.

Chloe groans again and crosses her arms over her chest. "No Amy, I wasn't going to go. I don't feel well, remember?"

"Bullshit." Fat Amy is not one to take no for an answer, "Go get tarted up."

Chloe's frown grows in confusion at the use of the word. What is she talking about now? "Tarted?"

"Yeah." Fat Amy nods, "You know, like Beca Is a vanilla tart."

Chloe is getting beyond peeved because they won't shut up about Beca. Why does Amy have to keep on bringing her up?

Stacie obviously acknowledges the confusion from Chloe, so she laughs and steps forwards once again, "She means slutty." She whispers to Chloe with a slight grin.

"Go get slutty, Beale. And don't take too long." Amy quirks up, telling Chloe that she's been defeated. There is no way she's getting out of this one. So, she puts the ice cream back in the freezer before waltzing away upstairs.

Twenty minutes later Chloe emerges back downstairs wearing a dark blue dress and a leather jacket. Her makeup is light, and her hair sits loosely on her back. Getting dressed up has somewhat improved her mood so there's a soft smile at her lips.

Stacie smirks when she sees Chloe appear at the bottom of the stairs. "You look hot," She says, glancing over Chloe's body with a smile. She gets a smile and a 'thank you, so do you' in return before the group heads out the front door.

The Bellas make their way across the grass towards the hedge. One by one each of the girls squeeze through the Amy-sized gap in the hedge into the treble's garden. The damage to the hedge was formed at a party last semester that was hosted by the Bellas – at Stacie's request. Amy drank a little too much of hers and Lily's alcoholic concoction (to this day no one knows what the last three ingredients were but there was definitely a mixture of gin and rum) and decided it would be a great idea to mark her 'sexy fat ass' in the hedge.

She hates herself for it but as soon as she's been sucked into the crowd, Chloe's eyes scan frantically in search for the small brunette.

She knows Beca has been staying at the treble house for the past few days so it would make sense if she was at their party too. Although Beca isn't normally a party animal, Chloe has a feeling she might be here. Maybe that feeling is hope, or longing but Chloe brushes it off. She's hated not having Beca around for the last three days and she just wants her best friend back, even if it does hurt like hell whenever she's around her.

It takes almost half an hour before she finally sets eyes on Beca. She's dancing with Jesse and the two of them look pretty comfortable.

The sight alone is enough for Chloe to regret coming. Why did she have to let Amy convince her to come?

The rule of not 'fraternising with the enemy' was banished as soon as Aubrey graduated and Beca and Chloe became co-captains. Beca thought it was a stupid rule and Chloe thought it was kind of ridiculous, so they got rid of it. But that meant Jesse was around a lot more. Even though Beca and Jesse aren't official – they haven't even hooked up but have definitely locked lips once or twice – it still frustrates Chloe to see the two of them together.

She's about to turn around and head back to the Bellas house when the brunette looks up and their eyes connect across the pool.

Beca's face lights up when she sees Chloe and she waves her hand, gesturing for her to come over. Chloe has a hard time escaping the younger girl's trance, so she finds herself wandering over to the two brunettes.

As soon as the two girls are standing in front of each other, Chloe pulls Beca into an embrace, she's missed Beca's hugs, so she shoves aside her feelings just to feel Beca's hands on her for a few seconds before Beca pulls back.

"Hey, Chloe." Beca smirks.

All Chloe has to do is look at Beca and instantly feel happier. Seeing the younger girls smile makes Chloe's lips curl into a smile of her own.

"Hey, Becs." She says, suddenly feeling lighter than she's been in days – normally she'd blame it on the alcohol, but she hasn't even had a drink yet.

"Feeling better?" The brunette questions, her hand still on Chloe's wrist which makes the redhead's skin glow with warmth. Chloe nods, but her smile falters when her head become heavy all of a sudden. Beca notices the change in her expression and gives Chloe's wrist a quick squeeze before letting go. "You okay, Chlo?"

The loss of contact allows Chloe to fix her brain after it's turned to a pile of mush. She puts a smile on her face which Beca can clearly tell is fake, then takes a step back. Chloe gestures to the yellow cup in her hand, "Yeah. I'm going to get a drink."

Beca nods, not daring to question the girls' weirdness, she knows Chloe hasn't been feeling well recently so brushes it off as still not quite over the flu. She knows that if she pushes Chloe to talk then she'll end up comforting her and when Chloe is emotional all Beca wants to do is pull her into her chest and hug her. But Beca can't do that. She won't allow herself to. Beca can't get too attached to her best friend because nobody ever stays in her life for long – not even her parents wanted to stay in her life.

As much as Beca's brain tells her to shut the hell up, her heart and her eyes clearly have different ideas.

Her gaze drifts to her best friend as she walks away. She doesn't mean to, but her eyes drop to Chloe's ass and Beca stares in appreciation. She tells herself that she's just appreciating the appearance of her best friend – it would be weird if she didn't find her best friend attractive. But maybe watching her ass as she walks away goes beyond the 'just friends' barrier.

She knows she's been distant recently, but she just thought that Chloe wouldn't notice – or care. Beca shuts her feelings away and pretends not to feel, but watching the redhead walk away makes something ignite in her chest, it's powerful and it forces something to snap inside of her.

With a grunt, Beca tears her eyes off of Chloe.

It feels like everything is changing with the two of them, or maybe it already has changed. Whatever it is makes Beca's mind race. Is Chloe going to walk out of her life forever? Has Beca pushed her so far away that she's now beyond reach?

Beca's heart speeds up at the mere thought of Chloe leaving her, because without Chloe where the hell would she be? What would a future without Chloe be like? It's lame, but Beca's always imagined that Chloe would be in her life forever, but what if she's pushed her away for the very last time? That would honestly crush her. Life without Chloe would be pretty shit.

Beca only panics more when she questions why she feels this way. She can't have feelings for Chloe, can she? Not only is she her best friend, she's also a girl.

Beca's never defined her sexuality, she knows she isn't straight but she's not a lesbian either. The aspect of sexuality confuses her so much, so she mostly just chooses to ignore it, allowing people to assume whatever they want about her. For Beca, it's not about what's in people's pants, personality is a very important factor.

But boobs are also pretty great.

Okay, so maybe she's more attracted to girls, but there's still a part of her that finds guys hot.

Just to prove to herself that the physical attraction towards guys is still there, she walks over to the first guys she sees, which just happens to be Jesse.

Before he can even greet her, she's taking his arm and leading him over to the edge of the pool where there are multiple people dancing. It helps that she knows Jesse likes her – is practically in love with her. She grins when she notices the frown appear, tugging his lips down slightly.

"Dance with me, dummy."

* * *

It's been about an hour and a half since they last talked and Chloe was getting agitated, watching Beca grind on Jesse is definitely not something she had planned on watching but she can't seem to look away. She hates that Beca dances like that with him but won't even touch her.

Beca is also not having such a great time.

She is regretting pulling Jesse up to dance quite a lot now, his hands are trailing all over her body and they just feel so uncomfortable, especially when they rest on her ass.

She quickly snaps her own hands down to retrieve his hands and put them on her waist. She hates his hands there too, but it doesn't make her as uncomfortable.

Her mind drifts slightly to the Bellas rehearsals the other day. The dance with Chloe had been on her mind since she left the auditorium three days ago. She remembers the way her skin felt all tingly and warm whenever Chloe ran her fingers over her hip.

Those very memorable, exhilarating feelings are very much not present right now. Dancing with Jesse just feels...bland.

Suddenly Beca's mind floods with need – the need to touch Chloe again.

Her gaze scans her surroundings until her eyes are locked with her favourite pair of eyes – her favourite colour. But the longer she stares at the girl, the more she acknowledges how sad she looks, and that makes Beca's heart crack.

She pulls away from Jesse's grasp and makes a gesture for a drink, then speeds away from him before he can stop her.

She's such an idiot for dancing with him just to prove a point to herself – it had not been proved.

Her heart races as she approaches the redhead and her palms sweating slightly. She's grinning again and before she knows it, her heart is taking control without giving her brain a chance to catch up.

"Oh. Hey, Becs." Chloe chuckles nervously as Beca flops herself down right on top of Chloe's lap. She isn't complaining, because having Beca sit on her lap does something weird to her body and makes her heart flutter slightly, but she's a little confused as to why Beca is so comfortable with the contact. Normally, the younger girl doesn't even like holding her hand in public, so it causes Chloe to question the girls' actions.

"Chloooeee." Beca squeals.

"You're drunk." Chloe states, watching the girl in her lap with a smile.

A smile that only grows the longer she's looking at her, one she wishes could shrivel into a frown, but no matter how much she wishes she could be angry at Beca for lying to her, for spending time with Jesse instead of her and for not returning the feelings she has towards the girl, she just can't.

Chloe cannot bring herself to get mad at her friend, especially when she looks up at her with those beautiful dark blue eyes that Chloe swears are enchanted.

There's also the lip bite. Beca Mitchell's fucking lip bite. She tugs her bottom lip between her teeth and Chloe finds it so unbelievably attractive.

It's her fault she feels this way anyway, so she shouldn't get mad at Beca just because she may be slightly – only slightly – jealous. Beca doesn't feel the same way about her so she just needs to get over her feelings.

She can't stay mad at Beca, and that's what is so damn frustrating, because Beca messes with her head – she's ice cold one minute and the next she's sitting on her lap smiling widely and being so damn cute and loving towards the redhead. It confuses her so much.

"And you're not drunk enough." Beca sighs heavily, "Amy's drinks are even better than last time." She quirks her head up so she's looking directly at the redhead. The girl moves closer to Chloe and lowers her voice as she whispers, "There's a lot of gin." And then a chuckle follows, Chloe feeling the hot breath on her ear and running down her neck.

When Beca drinks gin, she gets giggly and very touchy. Unlike when she strictly sticks to beer, she gets overly competitive and cocky, which usually ends with a broken piece of furniture – Beca and whoever is willing to accept her challenge battling over a game of indoor football until the ball flies towards something, sending it to the ground with a clunk.

Both of those sides of Beca are loved by her best friend, unless she drinks too much of either and ends up on the bathroom floor with her head on the toilet seat. But even then – when Beca is a complete mess, puking from the combination of too much alcohol and lack of food, Chloe is still by her side, holding her hair away from her face and stroking the brunette's back in a soothing manner.

Chloe grimaces lightly at the mention of Amy's concoction. So that's why Beca is so carefree, she's had an 'Amy special' or maybe more than one. Amy's drinks are so strong that a lightweight like Beca only needs one to get absolutely hammered.

"Why are you being a bum in the corner?" Beca asks, looking up at the redhead with such a sincere expression that it makes Chloe's chest tighten. To make matters worse, the brunette lifts her hand up and pokes Chloe's cheek faintly, "You seem sad." She adds, her expression softening.

"Not in the mood." She responds, earning another poke in the cheek with an additional one to the nose. Chloe can't hold back the giggle and Beca's grin widens.

"This is a party, Beale." Beca mentions, and the seriousness to her tone almost makes Chloe snort.

"Mmmh." Chloe nods, "You should get back to Jesse."

She doesn't know what made her say that because there is no way she's losing Beca to Jesse again tonight. Beca is hers. Chloe has never liked to share.

A small whine leaves Beca's lips, "No. I want to stay with you." She nestles her head into Chloe's neck, squirming slightly as she inhales her scent.

_Beca Mitchell. No fucking way. Don't fucking do this. You know you shouldn't-_

"You smell nice, Chlo." Beca mumbles, her mouth is close enough to Chloe's ear, so she hears it even over the loud music.

A chuckle escapes Chloe's mouth and she lifts a hand up to cover her face, attempting to hide the blush from Beca.

"Thanks, Bec." Chloe replies after a few seconds, the blushing on her cheeks still very much visible. She can't deny that Beca's compliments, or just Beca in general has an effect on her.

"And your comfy." She adds, shuffling slightly on Chloe's lap, pressing her back into Chloe's front. Chloe tries her hardest to think about anything to distract herself from the fact that Beca's ass is partially grinding into her as Beca adjusts her position on her lap. But she's blushing before she can stop herself and the movement is making her entire body weak under her touch.

Chloe's grinning, her cheeks rose tinted from blushing so hard, "Yeah?"

"Mmh." Beca sighs with a small nod, relaxing into Chloe's body, allowing the older girls arm to slip around her waist and hold her in place. Beca pulls her head back and rests it against her shoulder, slotting perfectly with Chloe's body.

The position of the two girls is so natural, they are at peace whilst sitting like this, in the comfort of each other's presence, but it's also kind of...wrong.

Beca is sat on Chloe's lap with her head leaning against the redhead's shoulder. Their hands are intertwined on the brunette's denim clad thigh where she's running the fingers of her left hand over Chloe's fingers, stopping to play with a ring, twisting it slowly and moving on to repeat the action with another.

This is what she wants. She wants Chloe. But she just doesn't know how to express that.

She's better at doing – _showing_ , than saying, so that's what she does.

She's showing Chloe that she wants to touch her, she wants Chloe to touch her. Beca wants to kiss her, wants to know what Chloe will do if she tries to kiss her. She wants to feel what Chloe's lips feel like on her own. She imagines they'll be soft. Beca wonders how Chloe's lips will taste and the growing urge intensifies.

Before Beca can even consider making a move, Cynthia Rose, Flo and Emily appear at their side.

"We're heading back to the house. You two coming?" Cynthia Rose questions, eyeing the two girls as if she's searching for the reasoning behind why Beca is sat on Chloe's lap. The chairs around them are free so Beca doesn't have to sit on her lap – she chose to.

"Yeah," Beca says but doesn't attempt to move which makes Chloe giggle.

Chloe shuffles underneath her, reaching her hand to push a strand of Beca's hair behind her ear. "You might want to get up Bec," Chloe mumbles close to Beca's ear, her breath running up her neck.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, okay." Chloe chuckles again. Beca is pretty drunk and it's like she doesn't quite know what to do with herself.

She stands up with the help of Cynthia Rose and then holds out her hand for Chloe. Beca is too drunk to realise but Cynthia Rose is still looking at them strangely, but she still grasps onto the brunette's hand. Beca sighs heavily and rests her head against Chloe's chest, looking up at her with tired eyes which make Chloe swoon.

All that runs through Chloe's mind is how adorable Beca is in this moment.

"Come on, Becs. Let's get you home." Chloe presses a chaste kiss to Beca's cheek and nudges her upright.

Beca mumbles something under her breath then stumbles forwards, catching up with Cynthia Rose. Chloe follows behind, thinking about how she gets to take Beca home and not Jesse, granted that she is not planning on having sex with her but she cares so much about her and loves that she can care for Beca in ways Jesse can't.

Instead of going through the hole in the hedge again, Cynthia Rose leads them through the gate, Beca waiting back for Chloe. The brunette smiles softly and Chloe can't fight the smile that breaks out on her face.

The house is silent when they walk in so they must be the first to leave the party which is not a surprise because Stacie and Fat Amy barely ever return from a trebles party that same night. Cynthia Rose heads straight to the kitchen for some water whilst Flo and Emily sluggishly lift themselves up the stairs towards their rooms. The other two girls are close behind, but Beca's movement is extra slow and Chloe doesn't want to rush her.

Just as Chloe reaches out to push open her bedroom door, she feels a grip on her wrist.

"Do you want to cuddle?" Beca asks quietly.

Chloe almost melts at the small smile on Beca's lips, she looks so adorable and Chloe just wants to reach forwards and press her own lips to Beca's.

"You're a little softie." Chloe giggles.

"Shut up." Beca huffs, "I'm drunk and I'm tired and I want your arms around me."

Beca's own words startle her but she's too drunk – too tired to care right now. She doesn't know why but she wants to be in Chloe's arms – she always felt safe in Chloe's arms and she is too drunk to fight it, the alcohol fighting a battle with her conscious mind and she can feel the alcohol getting more powerful. Beca's mind is too scrambled to figure out exactly why she feels this way, so she doesn't try.

Friends can cuddle in bed together without it being weird so Beca just needs to chill the fuck out.

Chloe doesn't tease the brunette further for admitting that she wants – _needs_ – to feel her arms around her because she doesn't want to push the girl too far to the point where she runs away...again. So, she simply reaches for Beca's hand and pulls her into her bedroom, closing and locking the door behind them.

In the Bella's house privacy is treasured, and very much needed when you have the likes of Amy walking into every room without knocking. She even walked into the bathroom one time whilst Beca was peeing because Beca forgot to lock the door behind her. Amy was a girl with absolutely no boundaries. Almost like Chloe, except, when it came to Beca, the redhead never once pushed her limits. She wanted Beca to feel safe and cared for, so she never once did anything to make the younger girl feel uncomfortable – except, maybe that one time in the dorm shower. But that is definitely not a regret.

Beca – who is too drunk to even realise what she's doing right now – shimmies out of her skinny jeans and tosses them to the bedroom floor. She lifts up her gaze and locks eyes with Chloe who's already on the bed, but still wearing her dress from the party.

"Are you gonna strip?" Beca asks, a playful smile pulling at her lips.

"What?" The Redhead splutters out – had she just heard that correctly?

Beca whines softly, followed by a small laugh. "You aren't going to sleep in that dress. Hurry up, I want to cuddle."

Chloe's eyebrows quirk upwards at Beca's words. "Who are you and what have you done to Beca Mitchell?"

The brunette smirks, "If you tell anyone about this I'll kill you." It's another one of her empty threats.

"No you won't, you love me too much." Chloe teases, and Beca caves, dropping the threat instantly.

She scoffs "You're lucky you're pretty."

Beca turns around, venturing over to Chloe's drawers and pulling out some shorts and a t-shirt for Chloe and a hoodie for herself. She chucks the clothes in Chloe's direction and slides the hoodie over herself, pulling off her bra and t shirt in the process.

When she looks up at Chloe, she's already lying under the duvet, wrapped up like a little burrito and it's the most adorable thing.

"Come here." Chloe says, and pulls back the duvet just enough so Beca can slide underneath it and into Chloe's embrace.

Almost instantly Chloe wraps her arm around Beca's waist and the smaller girl snuggles into her.

"Night, Chlo." Beca mumbles, feeling her eyelids grow heavier.

"Goodnight cutie." Chloe whispers into the back of the brunette's neck, her lips inches from the skin.

She can't resist calling her the pet name because Beca is so cute right now and she wants her to know that. Chloe gets to see Beca at some of her most vulnerable states and she loves that not many other people do. She's sure that Beca and Jesse haven't had sex but that doesn't mean they aren't ever going to, especially with the way the pair were dancing with each other tonight. But Chloe takes a minute to remind herself that Beca has ended up in her bed, not Jesse's. Granted, they aren't having sex but simply sleeping together in each other's grasps can be more intimate than sex. You are allowing yourself to be completely vulnerable.

A smile spreads across Chloe's face when she feels Beca's hold on her wrist tighten a little as she snuggles closer into her.

Chloe thinks that she might be able to get through this without crumbling. She's pretended for the last two years that she isn't completely smitten over her best friend, so what's one more?

It's going to be hard and it will probably break her more times than she can count but being Beca's friend is worth that pain. Beca is worth that. Chloe thinks she's worth everything.

She missed Beca so much in the three days they didn't talk, and it hurt so much knowing she was avoiding her, distancing herself from her. Chloe doesn't know why Beca shuts herself off from others, but she thinks she gets it – it's easier to hide than to pretend. Chloe wishes she could hide from Beca so she would not have to look at her, knowing she'll never be loved by the brunette entirely. But there's a part of her that knows she would still be filled with pain because she'd be without her. She wants Beca with her, and if pretending they're only friends is what Beca wants then Chloe is willing to keep it that way.

She'd rather see her every day and have to pretend not to be in love with her.

She can still love her; she just won't allow herself to be _in_ love with her. Because there's no way she's letting Beca Mitchell walk out of her life completely.


	3. Chapter Three

The heavy throbbing of her head makes the bedroom whirl around her. Is the world spinning? Beca sits up, quickly bringing her left hand to her forehead, pressing down on it as if it will release the tension. The intense dizziness is causing her stomach to churn which increases her urge to vomit.

Her eyes snap shut instantly, in attempt to decrease her hangover symptoms.

Beca inhales quickly, holding the breath, then exhaling. She repeats the breathing strategies a few more times until she no longer thinks she's going to vomit all over the floor. She doesn't want to recreate Aubrey's puking mess.

When her eyes flutter open again, it takes a minute for her to realise that she isn't in her own room, she's so naturally comfortable in the warm bed that she isn't even alarmed. The surroundings aren't unfamiliar, so she doesn't feel the need to get up and run away shamefully. But then she looks to her right as she suddenly realises, she isn't alone in the bed.

The sight of her best friend lying next to her, with her left hand underneath her cheek and her gorgeous red hair sprawled out over her pillow, is absolutely breath-taking. Her other hand is connected to the wrist that is resting on Beca's stomach.

Beca didn't realise she was wrapped in Chloe's grip until now, and she has the urge to snuggle closer, loving the feeling of being so close to her best friend. But that isn't a thought someone should have about their best friend, so she hesitantly nudges Chloe's arm away.

After she sits up against the headboard, Beca reaches out to tuck a strand of Chloe's hair behind her ear. She wants to appreciate the sight, because Chloe Beale really is her favourite thing to look at – to admire. Beca can deny it time and time again but she'll always come back to the same conclusion.

Chloe is her weakness.

Beca has never allowed herself to be vulnerable around others but the realisation that Chloe could literally break down every single one of her walls scares the absolute shit out of her.

She allows her gaze to drift around the room. Even though she shares the attic room with Amy, their room isn't much different to the other girls' bedrooms. She's spent a fair amount of time in Chloe's bedroom anyway, which is why she's almost surprised it took her so long to acknowledge that she woke up in her room.

In this moment it suddenly strikes her – why is she in Chloe's room? _What the fuck happened last night?_

She tugs her hair down from the messy bun – she doesn't remember putting her hair up last night so Chloe must have done it for her, which is another example of why Chloe is literally the best person in the entire universe.

Beca rakes her hand through her hair and takes note of the faint scent of alcohol. She's also pretty sure that she has sick in the front few strands, but she doesn't want to get into that right now.

Guilt runs through her accompanied by shame as she remembers the way she danced with Jesse last night in attempt to rid her feelings – if they even were feelings at all – for Chloe.

The events from the night before flood back to her and she's overwhelmed with...rage.

Beca isn't angry at Jesse for dancing with her because she was the one that asked, or at Chloe for messing with her head and confusing her, because Chloe isn't to blame.

She's mad at herself. She's so fucking angry at herself that she's allowing herself to feel this way about her best friend – her best friend who is beautiful, sexy, smart as hell and literally the most caring person on the planet.

Chloe Beale is way too good for her, so even if she was into girls there's no way she'll ever love her the way Beca longs for her to. The way Beca has loved Chloe since her freshman year.

She hates herself for the way she treats Chloe – warm and caring one minute, cold the next. She only distances herself and runs from Chloe because it's all she's ever known. Leaving is the only thing she's good at.

There's no need for the walk of shame, but it's not like they had sex anyway. However, that doesn't mean she wants anyone seeing her leave Chloe's room early in the morning. Beca knows what her fellow Bellas are like – they love to make assumptions – especially about 'Bhloe'.

It's bad enough that Stacie and Amy occasionally tease them by giving them a ship name and asking things like "When's the wedding?" and "Can I be the god mother of your child?" so there is no way Beca is going to let anyone see her leave Chloe's bedroom, it will only fuel their theories. They'll never let her live that down.

So instead of lying back down and falling to sleep like a part of her wishes she would do, she clambers out of the bed and moves across the room, careful not to knock into any of Chloe's things and cause a ruckus.

When she emerges from the attic stairs, she's met with an empty room, which half surprises her, but Amy not coming home is typical, especially after a treble's party.

Beca is tired, exhausted in fact, but there is no way she's going to be able to get back to sleep so she reaches for her precious laptop and headphones. She sets them on the edge of her bed as she fumbles through her clothes until she pulls out a pair of sweatpants, which she quickly changes into.

Her laptop and headphones are back in her grip as she trudges down the stairs towards the kitchen of the Bellas house. She slips the headphones around her neck and places the laptop on the counter.

As she's making herself some coffee, she acknowledges that it's only five in the morning, which is extremely early for someone who usually rises around midday.

Beca picks up her mug – one Chloe brought her last year – and carries it along with her laptop out the front door and on to the porch. Instead of sitting on the chair swing, Beca sits down on the steps, half leaning against the railing.

She lifts her headphones up and slides them on over her head, connecting the wire to her laptop and pressing play on the queued playlist. The music instantly relaxes her, she won't ever admit it but ever since Chloe requested a Taylor Swift song for the set, Beca has been pretty obsessed with her music.

But not even music can distract her from her thoughts, or more specifically, thoughts about Chloe.

She can't feel that way about her because she's her best friend. She loves her so much, but she can't be _in love_ with her because if it ends badly – which Beca believes all her relationships will – then she'll lose her best friend.

At least with Jesse she's never cared for him the way she cares for Chloe, so if they fight or he gets mad at her, he can't hurt her the way Chloe can.

She doesn't know how much time has gone by since she came out here, but the playlist has ended, and her coffee is now stone cold.

Beca has just been staring at a tree whilst she completely zones out. She hears movement behind her which startles her out of her trance.

Her head snaps to the side and she is met with Fat Amy holding a hot mug. She offers it to Beca, and she is quick to accept it considering how the one she made is now undrinkable. "Are you working on a mix?" Amy asks, as she flops herself down on the porch swing.

"Uh, yeah?" Beca's already finished the mixes and set for the Bellas, and she isn't making anything new for her internship.

Recently her mixes have been kind of shitty, so she hasn't been able to add anything to her collection of mashups that she keeps for potential future use to show someone in the music industry if the opportunity comes up. Normally Beca uses music as an escape, something to take over her thoughts if it gets too much for her, but right now her mind is elsewhere. Not even music can distract her from her own thoughts.

"Well, no...I'm just trying to figure some shit out." She says, trying not to admit too much about why she is really out here so early in the morning.

"Anything I can help with?" The blonde questions, whilst repositioning her arms behind her head so she's now leaning against them.

"No." Beca's lack of hesitation sparks a hint of confusion in Amy's thoughts.

"You sure? I'm your best friend, you can talk to me about anything." She says, completing it with a grin.

The brunette scoffs lightly, "Well, actually-"

"Mitchell, I know you love ginger more than me, but you don't need to say it out loud and break my heart," Amy jokes.

She almost wants to deny it, because lately the way she feels about Chloe is weird. Beca doesn't understand it, but instead of unpacking it slowly and acknowledging her feelings, she forces her thoughts about Chloe to the back of her mind. But no matter what, Chloe is her best friend, that will always come first.

Beca forces herself to chuckle, "It's just some stuff at the studio."

* * *

When Chloe finally stirs, a few hours after Beca's departure, she reaches her hand out for her best friend, but instead she's met with an empty, cold bed.

She instantly misses Beca's warmth even though she doesn't know how long she's been gone. She can also faintly smell Beca's perfume. Chloe sometimes thinks she's sprayed it around the house just to taunt her. In a way it's like Beca is still always around even when she's being distant or hanging out with Jesse. Beca is always there and Chloe can't seem to escape her – but she isn't sure that she'd want to even if she could.

For Chloe, Beca is her literal will to live.

Seeing the smile on her best friend's face is what keeps Chloe going, so without her, life would be pretty damn pointless.

But waking up to an empty bed, knowing that Beca has left her once again, sends a punch to her gut.

Chloe knows she should just take that as a sign, that Beca doesn't want her, not when they're both sober anyway. When the small brunette's feisty attitude is combined with alcohol, she becomes needy – and very touchy. Chloe doesn't mind it, in fact, she kind of really likes it. Beca initiates the hugs and reaches for Chloe's hand to hold. Beca is a lot less clingy when she's sober so Chloe takes advantage of the moments where Beca wants to touch Chloe.

She knows she should feel even the slightest pang of guilt for enjoying these moments, but it's not like she's forcing the alcohol down the younger woman's throat.

However, Chloe's thoughts can't help themselves, she assesses the situation once more.

Beca had chosen _her_ bed to sleep in last night, to cuddle with _her_ and to wake up next to _her_.

She could have gone to her own bed or any of the other Bellas. But she wanted Chloe. That has to mean something, right?

Chloe is most definitely a morning person, yet this morning she has to fight the overwhelming urge to stay in bed, wrapped up in her blankets all day.

Once she's out of the shower, and dressed in suitable clothing for Bellas rehearsals, she heads downstairs. When the kitchen comes into view and she hasn't spotted Beca yet, she feels somewhat relieved, she knows Beca will pretend like last night never happened, but Chloe just can't let it go that easily.

She must jinx herself because not even five seconds later, Beca's voice runs through the bottom floor of the house.

"I swear to god, you can't even have anything to yourself in this house."

Chloe acknowledges the anger in Beca's tone and instantly wants to help her or calm her down – something only Chloe can do – so she rushes towards the kitchen. Beca is pacing around the room with her hands flying about frantically.

"What's up, Becs?" Chloe quizzes, attempting to keep her tone calm which is surprisingly hard as she watches Beca get worked up over something.

Beca is her friend and she doesn't like seeing her upset.

"Someone ate my fucking ice cream." Beca mumbles, but the look in her eyes tells Chloe that this isn't just about ice cream. There is something much bigger bothering her.

"Um...Bec." Chloe looks at Beca with her most precious puppy dog eyes and a small smile, almost begging Beca to forgive her for something she hasn't even apologised for yet. In her defence, she was mad at Beca for disappearing when she needed her best friend.

Beca can't deny that Chloe's adorable expression got to her – it always does. "Yeah, Chlo?"

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Beca quizzes, still not understanding what exactly Chloe was apologising for.

Chloe sighs, and drops her gaze to the floor, ready for whatever Beca was about to throw at her – metaphorically and physically.

"It was me. I was the one that ate your ice cream."

"Girl fight!" Cynthia Rose comments as she makes her way into the kitchen towards Fat Amy.

The brunette chuckles softly which causes Chloe to lift her head. "Dude, you should have told me, now I look like an idiot." Beca sits down at the table and lifts her mug to her lips.

"Wait...so you aren't mad?" Chloe asks.

Beca meets Chloe's gaze so both pairs of blue eyes are staring into each other's. Although the shades of blue are quite different, they fit together so well, just like the ocean and the sky. Beca and Chloe are compatible; the light and dark shades of blues in their eyes harmonise together in the most perfect way.

Beca's expression softens into a smile, just for Chloe. "Course not. It's just ice cream." She shrugs.

"What?" Fat Amy yells, which earns three glares. Her volume is way too loud for this time in the morning, considering how a majority of the Bellas are still asleep. Although Amy's probably woken them all up with her shouting.

Beca tosses her head to the side and gives Amy a pointed glare. "Why are you being weird?"

"You were just about to rip my head off and it wasn't even me, but when Chloe comes forward and says she ate it all you have to say is 'it's just ice cream.' Beca, what-"

"She wasn't feeling well. Ice cream helps with the flu. She's better now so it must have done the trick." Beca smirks but dials it down a notch when she sees Amy raise her eyebrows.

Chloe's heart skips a beat at the thought of Beca taking care of her. Beca has always taken care of her in her own way – she buys Chloe her favourite food when she's on her period, she offered her shoulder to cry on when Chloe had Tom trouble back in Beca's freshman year and Beca makes numerous mixes for Chloe whenever she's feeling down.

There have been so many times where Beca has cared for Chloe, but Chloe wishes that Beca could really take care of her, that they could take care of each other.

She wishes they could cuddle in one of their beds, or on the couch when watching a movie with the other Bellas.

She wishes Beca would trust her enough, so she doesn't have to lie to her anymore.

And finally, she wishes they could care for each other's sexual needs, because the Bellas were probably getting tired of hearing Titanium blast from Chloe's room.

Titanium is kind of _their_ song, Beca might not know this but whenever Chloe listens to it, Beca takes over her mind. It's the thought of Beca that drives her towards her climax.

The brunette twists, focusing her entire attention on Chloe, ignoring the questioning glances between Amy and Cynthia Rose. "You are okay now, right?" She asks the older girl. Her expression softening as she waits for Chloe to confirm that she is okay – that _they_ are okay.

Chloe's face lights up at Beca's obvious concern. Now she knows that Beca was actually worried about her. The past few days she spent in her room she had been assuming that Beca didn't want to be around her because she didn't care that Chloe was supposedly sick. But if Beca knew, then why wasn't she here? Just seeing the younger girl would have made her feel better instantly.

She nods quickly, and watches as Beca's shoulders drop slightly, relaxing them as she lets out a breath.

Beca smiles at her and the expression is mirrored by the redhead.

The sudden need to be close to Beca, fuels through the older girl so she takes a couple of steps forwards until she's standing directly in front of her.

"Where'd you go?" Chloe mumbles, "I thought you would still be asleep."

"I was just working on some of my mixes." Beca says after taking a bite of toast, then returning the half-eaten slice to the plate.

Chloe reaches for the plate and lifts the toast up to her mouth, taking a bite then offering it back to Beca.

She accepts the toast and takes another bite, smaller this time. "You know I can make you your own toast if you're hungry?"

"No, I'm good." Chloe replies with a smirk, "I'd rather share yours."

Beca eats one more bite of the toast before holding it out for Chloe. The older girl gives Beca a playful smile then opens her mouth, wanting Beca to feed her instead. The brunette grins and rests the toast against Chloe's bottom lip, looking up at her with a wide smile.

"Get a room, you two." Fat Amy yells, which startles both girls, pulling them from their own little world where only the two of them exists.

Chloe reaches her hand up and takes the toast from Beca. The pink tinge on her cheeks suggest she's just been caught in the middle of a sexual act, not sharing toast with her best friend.

Once she's finished the toast, she spins on her heels and reaches into the fridge for a bottled water and instantly unscrews the lid. The cool water is refreshing, and it manages to calm her down, she just hopes that the blush on her cheeks has faded.

"Can I hear them? Your mixes." Chloe asks eagerly once she's turned back to Beca.

The brunette hasn't looked away from Chloe since she entered in the kitchen, but when Chloe meets her gaze, she knows she's been caught staring, so she averts her eyes.

"Later?"

"Okay." Chloe nods, along with a squeal of excitement.

Usually when Beca produces a new mix, Chloe is the first person to listen to it, unless it's about her – Beca doesn't show those to anyone, she just transfers them to a USB and adds them to her collections. She has too many mixes dedicated to her co-captain than she'd like to admit.

"After rehearsal?" Beca goes to accept, but then remembers that Chloe hasn't been feeling well recently and she doesn't want her to strain her vocal cords, her nodes damaged them enough.

"Are you feeling up to it?" Once again Chloe's heart swells at Beca's caring tone.

"I could ask you the same thing. You drank quite a lot." She giggles at Beca's frown.

"I'm okay if you're okay."

Chloe smiles at Beca's choice of words. Beca is saying she'll only be okay if Chloe's okay, so if Chloe wasn't then would Beca not be either?

The brunette's words are not helping, in fact they're just making her feelings towards her more prominent.

"I'm okay." Chloe says, and she has the desire to ask, 'Are we okay?' but she pushes it down, too afraid of the answer.

Chloe nears the counter, selecting two mugs from the cabinet and filling up the kettle. She twists to face Beca once more. "Do you want a coffee?"

"Yes please," Beca answers, a smile growing on her face at the offer of coffee. She's already had two cups this morning but definitely won't say no to one more, especially to Chloe.

"Okay, you go shower, I'll bring it up to you." Chloe says, before turning back to work on the drinks.

Beca jumps up from her seat at the table and takes her plate over to the dishwasher. "Alright, thank you. Just don't barge into my shower." She teases, with a growing smirk on her face.

"Beca Mitchell!" Chloe squeaks as she spins around, blushing just like she was a few minutes ago.

"Sorry Beale, I'll try not to sing titanium too loudly." Beca jokes, letting out a laugh at the effect her words had on the older girl. It's as if Beca could hear Chloe's earlier thoughts.

"You better not, we might be late for rehearsals if you do." Chloe fires back, fighting the urge to invite herself into another one of Beca's showers.

Beca smirks at Chloe's response, deep down wishing that she'd take her up on the offer to join her in the shower, but before Beca can dwell on it, she pushes it to the back of her mind and hurries up the stairs.

Chloe can't resist the smile that tugs at the corners of her lips, curling upwards and breaking out on her face.

"Tonerrrrr." Fat Amy sings, with a growing grin.

"Shut up." Chloe says, but doesn't deny it which doesn't go unnoticed by the two other Bellas in the room, "I'll make you do extra cardio."

"No thanks, Boss. I'm good. Sorry Boss."

* * *

Throughout rehearsals, the co-captains were back to being Beca and Chloe.

Beca carried Chloe's bag into the auditorium even though she had her laptop bag and gym bag as well.

Chloe encouraged Beca to join in the cardio, which she normally skips with the excuse of needing to set up the speakers.

As Beca leant over her laptop, Chloe found herself staring at her more than once, admiring her in her element. Beca was the same, she'd watch Chloe run through the routines with the other girls, staring at her ass and her biceps every now and then.

The two were synchronised once again.

Everyone seemed so much more relaxed now the tension had drifted.

But then Beca danced with Chloe.

The lingering contact and the passionate dance moves were just too much for her. It was overwhelming Beca, and she began to panic. The thoughts running through her head weren't right and definitely not PG, she felt hot all over, and her head throbbed.

She just needed a second to breathe.

Thank fuck Chloe decided to call the end of rehearsals.

Beca isn't listening to the multiple conversations between the other girls, she's completely zoned out, focusing on not fainting. Her heartbeat has quickened, and her hands are clamming up.

Her breathing still isn't back to its normal rate, but she's not just out of breath from the choreography. Beca's breathing is unsteady and it's starting to panic her.

She begins to feel like the walls of the auditorium are closing in on her as she rocks to herself in one of the chairs.

She clenches her eyes shut tight, and grips onto her legs with both hands, squeezing hard so she can focus on the pressure. But it's still not enough because her breathing doesn't differentiate.

The volume of the auditorium does shift, however, and Beca realises that the Bellas must have left, but she doesn't dare open her eyes. The noise must have been a pretty big factor to Beca's panic attack because she's slowly starting to breathe at a steadier pace. Although, she is still far from calm.

The brunette acknowledges Chloe's presence instantly, she can smell her – Beca doesn't have time to analyse how stalkerish that sounds because a sob rakes from her chest, which takes her completely by surprise.

The chair beside her squeaks slightly, and a hand falls onto her knee before it moves up and rests on top of one of her own hands. "Hey, Bec," Chloe's soothing voice reaches her ears. After a few seconds she releases the grip on her legs. "Take my hand." She says, and Beca instantly grips onto the hand offered to her. "You're okay, Becs. I've got you."

Beca finds comfort in the words and she latches on to Chloe's hand for dear life, too afraid of what might come if she lets go.

The two girls sit together in silence as Chloe guides Beca through her panic attack, helping her breathing pattern get back to normal then working on her senses.

It takes Beca ten more minutes to calm down and finally open her eyes. When she does, she's met with the beautiful ocean blue eyes, they are slightly glistening with unshed tears, almost mirroring her own. Chloe's smile isn't as bright as usual, but it's still enough to reassure Beca that everything will be fine.

Beca genuinely believes that everything will be fine as long as Chloe Beale is here.

"Are you okay?" Beca nods and takes the water bottle that Chloe offers her, gulping down at least a third of the water before reapplying the cap.

"Sorry." She whispers, as she stares at the ground.

Chloe's face saddens. Beca did nothing wrong yet she still feels the need to apologise, which makes the older girl acknowledge just how frightened Beca is to let her guard down around people. She is terrified of people judging her for things that are beyond her control.

"Hey, don't be sorry." Chloe says, as she intertwines their fingers, "I'm just glad you're okay. You scared me a little back there."

"Uh, yeah. I get them sometimes." She explains, "Thanks for helping me through it."

"I'll be here whenever you need me, Becs. If you have a panic attack again, please call me and I'll come straight to you."

Beca doesn't like to rely on people, she never really has, because everyone leaves at some point. Even the people you believe will stay in your life forever walk out of it and never return.

But there's something about Chloe that makes Beca trust her entirely.

Chloe is the first person in Beca's life that she trusts will never leave her, but that scares her more than anything, because if one day she does leave, that will hurt her more than she can imagine, it will leave her broken and shattered to pieces, the pain will be worse than anything she's ever felt before and she never wants to let that happen to her. So that's why Beca distances herself from Chloe, so she can be the one to leave if times get tough.

Before Beca can process what's happening, Chloe's arms are wrapping around her waist, bringing her close into a hug. Beca scoots closer to Chloe and puts her own hands on Chloe's back.

Chloe is always so caring, and Beca feels like she always throws it all back in her face.

"The girls are back at the house setting up for the movie night." Chloe mentions after they've collectively packed up Beca's equipment.

The Bellas left around half an hour ago so they're probably wondering where their captains are. Beca always has something to say about the Bellas movie nights so when she doesn't respond, Chloe knows she still isn't okay.

"Are you coming?" Everyone that knows Beca, knows she doesn't like to be smothered, but it's hard for Chloe not to be overprotective and worry about her when she's just witnessed Beca look so scared.

"No can do, I have a shift at the radio station." Beca mumbles quietly, as she secures the strap of her laptop bag over her shoulder.

"I thought you stopped working there when you got your internship?"

"I did," Beca confirms, "but Luke asked me to be in charge for a few days and I kind of owe him a favour."

Chloe knows Beca is lying, but if she calls her out on her bullshit it might cause an argument and she really doesn't want to argue with her best friend.

She knows Beca must be feeling emotionally drained after her panic attack and that she needs some time alone to recover from being so vulnerable with another person. Chloe understands, but she wishes that Beca didn't have to feel that way, she just wants Beca to relax in her arms and feel comfortable enough with her to let out her emotions.

But Chloe knows that's just not who Beca is. Not even with her.

* * *

As soon as Beca walks out of the auditorium she knows exactly what her night has in store for her.

She needs to get drunk – so fucking drunk that her mind shuts up for one second. She needs not to feel because it's too overwhelming. And she needs to stop thinking, just for one fucking night.

She sits down in a bar stool rather abruptly, which catches the attention of one of the bartenders.

"What can I get you?" He asks, as he approaches her.

"Whiskey. Neat." Beca says, already digging into her back pocket for some cash.

She downs the drink as soon as the bartender hands it over, then asks for another, which he raises an eyebrow at but pours it anyway.

Beca does the same for that one then pushes the glass over to him, with only the ice remaining. "Can I get a beer?"

"Sure." He nods and reaches for one of the bottles under the bar, cracking it open before passing it to her.

She hands over enough cash to cover the three drinks and then settles back in her chair.

She doesn't stop at three, but after five she stops counting.

Beca is a very big lightweight so it doesn't take her long to get absolutely wasted.

The very reasoning for getting drunk in the first place is actually the reason she leaves the bar.

Chloe is still all she can think about, the redhead is possessing her mind and she can't stop her thoughts.

"I'm so fucking stupid!" Beca mutters to herself as she drags her feet towards the Barden University campus. She still has her laptop bag fitted on her shoulder, which she guarded possessively at the bar, not letting it out of her sight in case someone spilt a drink on it or attempted to steal it.

All Beca can think about right now is how she wishes she was back at the Bellas house, in Chloe's arms.

Most people have that one person they think about when they're drunk, and for Beca, that person is Chloe. But it's not just when she's drunk, Chloe is in her sober mind constantly. She wishes she could fixate on something else for once but all Beca seems to think about – to care about – is Chloe.

She needs Chloe right now – not even really in a sexual way – she just wants Chloe to hold her and kiss her and run her hand through her hair.

It isn't badass at all but Beca doesn't give a shit about her badass reputation anymore. Chloe saw through it right from the beginning.

Her thoughts are still drilling through her mind when she walks up the steps of the Bellas house.

She's been so distracted that she hadn't even realised she got here; she can't even remember walking across campus.

Luckily, the door is still unlocked so she slips inside but it slams rather loudly when she closes it.

It's definitely the alcohol talking when she whispers to the door to 'shut up,' because it's 'going to wake everyone up.'

Beca manages to stumble across the kitchen until she barges into the table, knocking over a chair which slams to the floor. She jumps backwards, kicking the table leg in the process. "Fucking motherfucking shit." Beca hisses as she lifts up her foot and hobbles around the room whilst cradling her foot in her hands.

"Um...Beca? Are you okay?" The voice startles her so her body jolts upright. She snaps her head behind her and meets Stacie's gaze.

She's standing in her very revealing pyjamas with her phone in her hand.

"Just peachy." Beca says, with a chuckle.

Stacie steps forwards and glances down at the chair lying on the kitchen floor. "Are you drunk?" She questions as she stands the chair back up.

"No. I am Beca."

That is all the confirmation Stacie needs, "Where have you been? This isn't like you at all."

"Who the hell even am I, dude? Who even am I when I'm not with her? Or who am I when I'm with her? Am I me with her or is she me with her...no, wait? I am me with her, but I don't know if I like that. It scares me how real I am with her, that is the real Beca Mitchell."

Stacie's eyebrows knot in confusion, "Beca, what are you talking about? I didn't understand anything you just said."

"I think I love her." Beca blurts out.

"Oh shit." Stacie chuckles, but stops when she acknowledges the pain on the small brunette's face. "This is all because of a girl?"

Beca lets out a loaded sigh, then nods, "Yeah. She's a girl. But I'm not gay...or maybe I am. Who knows?"

Stacie opens her arms, "Come here," she says, whilst holding back a laugh at Beca's expression.

She's frowning and her face is all creased up. "Why?" Beca groans.

"You could do with a hug." Stacie shrugs, "And you're pretty drunk, I don't want you to knock over anything else."

The smaller girl crosses her arms over her chest. "I don't want a hug. I want a hug from...but I keep on fucking up."

"No, you don't." Stacie says, which doesn't seem to reassure Beca at all. The taller girl follows her over to the couch and they take a seat at either end. "How much have you had to drink?"

Beca tilts her head to the side, resting it on her hands before groaning slightly, "I don't fucking know." She splutters out.

"Did Beca Mitchell make out with anyone tonight?"

"Dude, did you not just hear what I said? About Chl-Cleo."

"Her name is Cleo?" Stacie asks, staring directly at Beca so she senses the hesitation in her nod. "Okay that's bullshit. But seriously, did you kiss anyone?"

At those words, Beca's eyes slam shut, in attempt to force out the memory of having some guys tongue shoved into her mouth. The kiss was consentual, but Beca was really drunk, so does that really count as consent? She feels sick just thinking about it.

Beca did not want to kiss him, but when he wandered over to her and offered to buy her a drink, she was met with the need to feel wanted - loved.

Beca wanted to feel loved, because before she met Chloe, she had never really been loved by anyone, her parents had their own issues and didn't have time for her and she'd never really had many friends before. That's why she feels so passionately about Chloe's love for her.

Chloe was the first person to ever show (and tell) her they love her. But Chloe doesn't love her in the way Beca wants her to.

"Not that I...oh fuck, maybe, I don't know. What I have I done?" Beca groans loudly, but her rambling continues. "She's beautiful, she's a beautiful panda and I...god, what am I doing?" She rakes her left hand through her hair whilst letting out a shaky breath.

This is a side of Beca that Stacie has never witnessed before, and it's kind of making her nervous. Whenever Beca is stressed or freaking out about something – it doesn't happen that often because Beca is pretty chill – Chloe is always the one to comfort her, so Stacie has no idea what to do.

She decides that sleeping it off is probably the best option. "Beca?"

"Hm?"

"Maybe you should get some sleep, think this over in the morning. Your beautiful panda will still be here in the morning." Stacie's attempt doesn't completely fail but mentioning Beca's 'beautiful panda' is probably not the best thing to say.

"She is really beautiful." Beca mumbles, her tone so soft as she talks about Chloe.

"So you've said." Stacie nods, with a smile. She's always known Beca's badass exterior was just for show and now she finally has a reason to believe that Beca is a big softie. She's falling in love.

Beca stands up rather suddenly, "I think I'm going to tell her."

Stacie groans at Beca, standing up too, just in case she has to be prepared to chase after the small brunette. "Have you just ignored everything I just said to you?"

"No." Beca grunts in response.

"Go to bed, Beca." She demands. Her tone is rather authoritative – she learnt a lot from Aubrey in her freshman year, including how to sound like a bitch in charge. "You can talk to her in the morning when you're not drunk."

Stacie helps Beca up the remaining stairs leading to the attic room. Luckily, she's as light as a feather because Beca was practically leaning her whole weight on Stacie so she was basically carrying her up the flight of stairs.

Fat Amy is already in her bed asleep, which is a surprise because most nights she disappears until the morning, claiming she was on a night time hike, which nobody believes because Amy is not one for exercise – she only vertical runs when she is escaping cardio, which is pretty ironic.

The small brunette flops onto her bed, making no attempt to change out of her jeans into something more comfortable.

Stacie places her hand on Beca's lower back and the other on her hip and tries to roll her over but Beca groans and kicks her legs about frantically. "Get your hands off, dude. I'm not the mega bitch."

"Mitchell, shut up!" Stacie whisper-yells, then pauses when she acknowledges what Beca has just said. "Wait, how did you know about-"

"Posen isn't exactly quiet."

A smirk appears on Stacie's face, "I know."

"Dude. Ew!"

"Where are your sweatpants?" The leggy brunette questions as she kneels down next to Beca's dresser, pulling out her first and second drawers but still not finding the clothing she's looking for.

"Second to bottom drawer." Beca mumbles, as she watches Stacie search through her clothes until she pulls out a pair of sweatpants that used to belong to Chloe before Beca borrowed them and never returned them to her.

Stacie launches the sweatpants across the room, and they land close to Beca's head. She grunts out a "Thanks," as she slips out of her jeans, too drunk and too tired to care that Stacie is still in the room. She slides into the sweatpants and strips her bra, then nestles under the blankets, ready for the sleep to overtake her thoughts.

Beca is known to disobey orders, especially from those giving her demands, so Stacie stands at the top of the stairs until Beca is consumed by sleep.

"You're in quite the shit my friend." Stacie whispers before disappearing down the attic stairs, heading towards hers and Emily's room.


	4. Chapter Four

Beca and Chloe's usual Sunday's are spent under a tree on campus. It used to be Beca's spot, but since Chloe pushed herself into Beca's bubble and Beca had accepted her, it had become _their_ spot.

The two had started spending their Sunday mornings under the tree towards the end of Beca's freshman year, and it has been a normal occurrence since.

So, when Chloe finds Beca's bed empty, she assumes that she must already be downstairs, which is unlike Beca. The brunette struggles to get out of bed in the morning without putting up a fuss.

Chloe is already showered, dressed and ready to go, so she heads downstairs, hoping to find Beca and hurry her up so they can get to their spot before anyone else claims it.

Sitting at the kitchen table are Stacie, Cynthia Rose and Flo, who all look up when Chloe enters the room.

Cynthia Rose smiles and tilts her mug of tea upwards as a greeting.

Flo grins and says "Buenos días."

The leggy brunette smiles at the older girl, but her face drops when she notices the glint of sadness in her eyes.

"Have you seen Beca?" The redhead asks, as she takes a step towards the kitchen counter.

Chloe retrieves a mug from the cabinet and places it in the machine. She selects a cappuccino pod and slots it into place. Once the coffee begins to fill her mug, she spins on her heels to face the other girls.

"The lil dude is probably still in bed, she never wakes up before ten on a weekend, and definitely not when she's hungover." Cynthia Rose says before finishing off the last of her tea.

The new information doesn't shock her, because after yesterday's event in the auditorium Chloe isn't surprised that Beca got drunk.

It pains her to hear that her best friend turned to alcohol instead of coming to her for comfort, but she understands. 

Chloe knows every one of Beca's coping mechanisisms quite well, and drinking is a natural occurence for the brunette whenever she is stressed or going through something. But that doesn't stop Chloe from getting frustrated. She is the 'mom friend' of the group, so it's natural for her to want to protect her friends, but her protectiveness is different with Beca. 

It's always different with Beca.

She's been protective over her since the day they met - defending Beca to Aubrey before she even really knew her. She stood up to Kommisar when Beca was too struck by her beauty to realise just how much she was getting in her head. 

"She's hungover? So, it was Beca making all that noise last night?" Beca is a clumsy person when she's sober so it isn't surprising that she made quite the ruckus last night.

Stacie's head snaps up, "You heard that?"

"Yeah, it was kind of loud. I just assumed it was Fat Amy." This causes all three girls to snicker. "But wasn't she at the radio station?" Chloe says, but she already knows Beca was lying about that.

"Guess she lied." Cynthia Rose mumbles, not seeming too fazed by Beca's attitude.

If Aubrey was still here, she definitely wouldn't be having it – she'd put Beca in her place.

But Chloe is the co-captain now, meaning Beca is _her_ responsibility. Chloe needs to put Beca in her place. Beca lied to her. If she didn't want to spend time with the Bellas then she should have just said that, Chloe would have understood. But Chloe knows that isn't the brunette's reason for not attending the Bellas fortnightly movie nights.

Beca may not have loved the Bellas at first, but they've grown on her, she now considers them her family.

Chloe knows that Beca just didn't want to see her.

Beca's been avoiding her recently but she thought they were past that. And obviously the combination of caring so fucking much for Beca, as well as the anger she feels towards her for lying to her, and the frustration of loving her unrequitedly is driving Chloe completely insane.

The redhead picks up her coffee, but pours it into a travel mug, then storms over to the front door. She quickly swoops up her jacket and converses on the way, sliding them on and launching herself out the door before she can answer the girl's questions or react to the confused glances spared in her direction.

She makes her way across campus and over to their spot, not surprised to find Beca leaning against the tree with her headphones over her ears and her eyes closed.

Chloe slumps down beside her, the rapid movement jolting Beca.

Her eyes widen slightly when she acknowledges the spark of anger in the redhead's eyes. Beca pulls the headphones from her ears and sets them on the grass in front of her, closing her laptop in the process. "Hey, Chlo."

"Don't 'hey, Chlo' me, Beca, why did you lie to me - us - about the radio station?"

"How did you know?" Beca asks, whilst fiddling with the cord of her headphones.

It's surprising to Chloe when Beca doesn't try to dig herself a way out, normally the girl is full of ridiculous excuses. "Wow, so you're not even going to try to deny it?"

Beca lifts up her shoulders in a light shrug. "Well, you know so what's the point in denying it? I wasn't at the radio station; I went to a bar."

"Why?"

"Because I needed a drink. Jesus, Chlo. Just leave it will you?" Chloe's hurt expression softens at the tone of Beca's voice.

She wants to remain angry, but she can see how badly Beca is hurting. If she's so stressed out about something that she's resorting to alcohol, then something must really be wrong. All Chloe wants to do is make Beca happy again.

"Did something happen?" She asks cautiously.

The brunette acknowledges that her previous response was a little harsh, she didn't mean to snap at her. Even though she's not being nice to Chloe right now, the older girl's attitude still doesn't falter. Chloe is literally the nicest person Beca has ever met, which she adds to the mental list of reasons why Chloe is too good for her.

"Shit. I'm sorry." Beca sighs.

The expression on the redhead's face makes her own expression scrunch up slightly.

Whenever Chloe is upset, Beca gets upset too. The two co-captains' emotions are connected in a way they trigger each other's.

Normally if Chloe is mad then Beca is too, simply just because Chloe is, unless Beca is the reason why Chloe is mad, and then that is a whole other story.

"I'm just so stressed out lately, I didn't mean to snap at you." Beca adds, frowning at her crappy attempt of an apology.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not, I've been treating you like shit lately, like you're nothing, but...you're not nothing."

The redhead's lips quirk upwards into a smile. "Okay," She repeats.

"No," Beca tries again, "I mean, you're not nothing to me, you're pretty much everything to me."

Chloe's expression widens, which sets Beca off. The younger girl is now smiling from ear to ear, as she looks directly into the eyes of her best friend.

Beca swears Chloe's face is edging closer to hers, which causes her breath to catch in her throat. She's hesitant to move in case she's reading it wrong, she doesn't want to ruin the friendship after all. Beca cannot bare the thought of Chloe hating her.

Just as she's about to lean towards Chloe, her phone vibrates in her pocket, startling them both apart. She doesn't bother checking it, but the moment has already passed. Beca's not sure there even was a 'moment' because Chloe isn't even looking at her anymore.

"Come on, let's go home."

Their Sunday morning alone together is already over before it's even began.

* * *

Back at the Bellas house, Beca is so far in her own head that she misses the other girl's conversation about their next performance.

Recently Beca can't seem to concentrate on anything a capella related, her mind is too focused on Chloe, and how she makes her feel. She's constantly stuck on her, and it's really becoming a distraction.

Part of her wishes she would just get a grip and admit to Chloe how she feels, but she knows there's no chance of her doing that. Beca thrives off of Chloe's appraisal, she doesn't want to risk losing that if she were to tell her and Chloe react badly. She needs to let it go so they can go back to being friends without making it awkward between them. That is the last thing Beca wants.

She's broken from her trance when her name pricks at her ears. "Beca?"

She glances at the other girls to see them all looking at her, awaiting a response. "What do you think?"

"Huh?"

"Were you even listening?" Stacie asks.

"Yeah, of course." She mumbles but hesitates because she really has no idea what the topic of the conversation is. For all she knows, they might not even be talking about a capella anymore. Beca trusts Chloe's judgement more than anyone's so she doesn't even need to ask. "Chlo's right."

This seems to make at least half the group happy, but Fat Amy groans loudly. "BM! Why do you have to agree with everything she says?"

"Because Chloe is right. Sack up dude." She replies, yet still having absolutely no idea what she's arguing about.

"I can't believe you of all people would agree with extra cardio." Fat Amy cries before slapping her hands to her face dramatically.

Beca internally groans at the thought of cardio, but instantly relaxes when she realises, she'll get to see Chloe in a sports bra and yoga pants again.

Maybe it won't be so bad after all.

* * *

"Baby, baby, I can feel the wind whipping past my face." Beca sings, as she sways her hips to the beat of the song, "As we dance the night away." 

Chloe takes the next line, still watching the brunette out of the corner of her eye. "Boy, your lips taste like a night of champagne." 

The brunette watches in awe as a smile takes over Chloe's face and her eyes light up the more her expression widens. When Chloe sings, she's completely in her element, the happiest she can be, and the energy radiates off of her onto everyone else, causing them to smile along with her and sing their fat hearts out. 

The lyrics take her back to the night of their big win at the ICCAs - they celebrated with champagne all night long until the bottles began to empty and they moved on to beer.

Beca reminices a particular moment from that night. The two co-captains were sitting together in the empty campus pool, passing a bottle back and forth. They were both pretty drunk - Chloe more so than Beca, but the brunette wasn't so far behind. They'd snuck off from the other Bellas to be alone together, their excitement heightend by the mixture of adrenaline and performance rush. The moment was blissful, both girl's content with each other's company. 

Beca doesn't recall how it happened, she just remembers Chloe's lips on her neck, forehead, her cheek - everywhere but her lips. 

She remembers how it felt to have Chloe's lips on her skin like that - the tingles that ran up her neck and the shiver it sent down her spine. 

The rest of the night moved by in a fog for Beca but that moment she remembers so clearly - all of her senses working together to keep that memory so alive in her mind. 

Fuck. 

As Beca watches Chloe run her hands down her body she realises how much she wants to kiss her now. 

She quickly slots back into her role, not wanting to mess up the song and have to start from the beginning because she's too worked up for that. "As I kiss you again, and again, and again, and again."

Beca's gaze lands on Chloe as she sings, their eyes locking at once, capturing Beca in those beautiful bright blue orbs. 

The redhead's lips curl upwards into a smile - one just for Beca. 

"Now everybody asks me why I'm smiling out from ear to ear." Fat Amy sings, gestering to the grin plastered on her face.

Everyone except Amy sings the next line. "They say love hurts."

"But I know." Amy sings, whilst Cynthia Rose and Emily sing another line. "It's gonna take a little work."

"Nothing's perfect, but it's worth it, after fighting through my tears. And finally you put me first." Flo takes over. Beca and Chloe share a glance, appreciating her voice, happy with the second newest addition to their team. 

The rest of the song drifts by, both the co-captains too enchanced in each other's gazes, wrapped up in the sound of their harmonized voices. 

Chloe starts up again, her eyes not once leaving Beca's. "Baby, 'cause you're the one that I love." 

The lyrics swim around in her mind as Chloe realises that she sang that line whilst staring into Beca's eyes. It hits her that this is the closest she's ever gotten to telling Beca that she loves her, and it probably will be the closest she'll ever get, so she takes a minute to really take in this moment, feeling it with everything she has. 

Neither of them look away and it feels like they're the only two people in the room. Singing with Beca always feels like that. Chloe lives for moments like that with Beca. 

God, it all feels so real. 

Jessica takes over the lead, hitting the high notes perfectly, "Baby, you're the one that I need. You're the only one I see." 

"Baby, baby it's you." Ashley and Stacie pick up next. 

"You're the one that gives your all. You're the one that always calls." Chloe takes the lead once more, directing the lyrics right at the brunette across from her. 

She watches Beca's lips curve up into a smirk before she begins to sing. "When I need you everything stops."

It's as if the lyrics match up to how she's feeling - her heart stops as Beca brings her eyes back up to Chloe's. The smile on Beca's face is so genuine and full of love, and Chloe can feel her own grin growing. She can't believe this is happening, the way Beca is looking at her is making her heart pound in her chest, and she knows her eyes are glistening with unshed tears. 

She's finally performing for her, only this time they're performing together - for each other.

"Finally you put my love on top." All of the Bellas sing together as the song comes to an end. Chloe jumps in at the last moment, singing 'top' along with the others after she'd pulled herself from Beca's trance. She realises that she must have missed a few of her lines but she can't concentrate on that right now, all she can focus on is the way Beca is looking at her. 

* * *

"Bec," Chloe sighs as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, "We can't ignore this forever."

"Ignore what?" Beca knows exactly what she means, but stalling gives her a little more time to come up with an escape route.

Running away is all she has ever known, her dad ran away after her parents' divorce and Beca has run away time and time again, from the Bellas and from Jesse.

And Chloe.

God, she's run away from Chloe more times than she can count.

The way she sees it, is that Chloe could hurt her, she could make her feel more pain than she's ever been exposed to before. Chloe could destroy her because she means more to her than anyone else in the world. Chloe is the only person that can make her truly feel anything at all. The girl has complete control over her emotions. She makes her smile wider than anyone. Her heart doubles in size when she hears the mesmerising sound of Chloe's laugh. When the two share a secret glance, looking into Chloe's bright blue eyes, and having those orbs staring right back at her, makes Beca's heart flutter.

And her voice...it's just - wow. It's beautiful and sexy - especially when singing. Today's rehersal nearly killed her. 

Chloe makes her feel so fucking alive.

But that's the problem.

Chloe has the ability of twisting Beca's emotions, but that includes every single feeling – every emotion. All the negative feelings Beca has hidden from the world for so many years. Anger. Envy. Sadness. Fear. They all become exposed and set free.

Beca knows that if she gives herself to Chloe, then she's potentially giving the girl her heart – her entire soul.

Knowing that Chloe Beale has the ability to destroy Beca completely gives her the constant urge to vertically run in the other direction.

She's not allowing herself to feel anything because she's afraid of being hurt - being completely fucking destroyed.

And the only person who could do that is the girl standing before her.

"What we have, it's...it's not what friends are supposed to be like." Chloe continues, her tone soft which makes Beca's heart pound harder. 

Beca scoffs at Chloe's words, "Hm. 'What we have'...What exactly do we have, Chloe?"

She knows what Chloe is talking about, it's the looks they share, the smiles reserved only for each other, the secret glances where they check the other girl out and the constant flirting between the two. It's so fucking undeniable, yet still denied by both girls – until now.

"I don't know." She admits quietly, "But it's...it's confusing. It's so confusing, Bec. You...you're messing with my head and I don't know-"

"I'm messing with your head?" Beca asks, coldly, as she rakes a hand through her hair. She's trying her hardest to ignore the bolts of electricity shooting through her, but the way Chloe is looking at her is making it almost near impossible. 

Chloe hesitates for a moment, then lets out a groan, "Yes. I...I really don't understand you." The younger girl scoffs at Chloe's words.

Beca doesn't really understand herself either. She doesn't understand why she's being like this - Chloe is literally saying what Beca has wanted to hear forever, but she's pushing her feelings deeper inside, as if she's protecting herself - from Chloe. The idea of needing to protect herself from Chloe - the sweetest, most kindest ray of sunshine - is absurd. Chloe would never intentionally hurt Beca, so why is she acting like she's about to completely shatter?

"How?" She fires back.

The redhead lets out a breath of air before answering. "It's like...sometimes you look at me. You look at me like we're more...more than friends, more than just... _us_." Chloe's tone is soft, but Beca can detect the sadness in her voice. "And we hold hands and we're happy, we're Beca and Chloe."

' _We're Beca and Chloe_.' Those four words are enough to break down another one of Beca's walls – not that she has many left up when it comes to Chloe.

As soon as they met, Chloe was already bulldozing down the walls Beca had spent her entire life building up. Chloe is the only person Beca has opened up to, she allows herself to be vulnerable with the older girl, which is why Beca is finding it so hard to not break down right now.

Chloe Beale is her person, and Beca is Chloe's.

Because they are 'Beca and Chloe' not 'Beca' and 'Chloe'. They are united. They are one.

When Beca shows no sign of responding, Chloe continues, "I think we're finally on the same page, like today at rehersal. Bec, what was that? You can't say that was nothing. It was...something. But then it's like a switch goes off in your head, and you don't want to be around me, you can't even stand to look at me, you're disgusted by the thought of us ever being anything more."

"It's not that simple Chloe. You can't just throw all of this at me and just expect me to know what to say." Beca says, when she finally finds her voice.

She isn't really sure why she shut down Chloe instantly, the girl is just trying to express her thoughts and Beca doesn't want to hear it. The thought of them being 'more' has been dwelling on Beca's mind for the past few weeks, but now it's finally being said aloud, suddenly making it real. And Beca doesn't know how to deal with it.

It's all happening at once and her brain doesn't seem to be slowing down enough so she can process her own thoughts.

"I'm not throwing this at you. I just wanted to talk to you. Beca, you hardly make time for me anymore and...I miss you."

"I've got a lot going on at the studio." Beca responds, whilst pretending that her heart didn't skip a beat at Chloe's last three words.

She misses her too.

Beca misses the way things used to be between them when there were no feelings involved. But whether she wants to admit it or not, the feelings have always been there, gradually developing over time, only now are they being acknowledged. They've never been 'just friends' it's always been so much more than that. The way the two of them interact with each other has always been different than how they act with the other Bellas.

Beca and Chloe flirt a lot, a majority of the time neither of them realises they're doing it, it just comes naturally to them. But when the Bellas point it out or tease them for it, they begin to pinpoint every time they've ever 'accidentally' flirted with each other – way too many times to reminisce.

"But it's not just that though, is it?" Beca lifts her head but doesn't dare look at Chloe. 

"What do you mean?" Beca asks. Chloe's own gaze is drifting between Beca and the spot of grass between them.

"You seem to have plenty of time for Jesse." It's almost a whisper, but the other girl hears the words clearly.

This time the brunette's gaze does meet the other girls, and she is met with instant regret as she acknowledges the slight glint of sadness in her eyes. "Oh, come on, Chlo."

"No. Beca, I don't want to argue with you." Chloe shakes her head lightly. 

"Fine." The smaller girl snaps.

"Whatever." Chloe sighs, "I don't want to argue, but, Beca, can we talk? Please."

"Some other time." Beca shrugs, standing up in one simple movement, "I have to..."

"Go have fun fucking Jesse." Chloe spits through clenched teeth. 

So that's exactly what Beca did.

She went and fucked Jesse.

It didn't take long to walk over to the Treble's house and Jesse jumped at the opportunity. All Beca had to say was 'Take me Upstairs' and Jesse was basically stripping off his clothes.

Beca fucked Jesse. But she didn't exactly have fun doing it, the entire time she was thinking about Chloe, about their argument and how Chloe's eyes were glossed with tears when she shouted at her. She knows she's hurt Chloe, and it's hurting her to know that she's the one causing her pain.

All Beca could think about was Chloe – what life with Chloe would be like.

What it would be like to fuck her.

To have kids with her – they've talked about this once, not having kids _together,_ but just having children in general. Chloe admitted to wanting two or three little munchkins running around, Beca's heart warmed at the idea of three mini versions Chloe Beale's, and also confessed that 'maybe having a couple of rascals would be fun'. Beca had dialled down her excitement for the sake of her badass reputation but inside she was freaking out because the idea of having kids of her own one day was seriously amazing to think about. But having kids with Chloe...now that was a dream, one she hoped could be a reality.

Beca thought about buying a house with Chloe.

Marrying her.

Because Chloe really is everything to her.

As she comes, Chloe's face – her voice – is in her mind, riding her through her high.

The orgasm isn't great, but the thought of Chloe makes the climax greater, increasing the feelings of ecstasy as she releases.

Jesse flops onto his back beside Beca, his breathing heavy and a goofy grin taking over his face. His expression of happiness is only making Beca's guilt more prominent.

It had all happened so quickly but now she's full of disgust towards herself and is slightly repulsed by her own actions.

She shuffles over to the edge of the bed and retrieves her clothes from the floor, putting her bra and underwear back on first, then slipping into her jeans and buttoning up her flannel.

Jesse lifts his head from the pillow and glances over at Beca. "You don't have to leave."

"Yes, I do." Is all she says.

Beca puts her boots on last then stands back up, hesitating before making her way over to Jesse. She pecks his cheek then spins on her heels; her mind too preoccupied to notice Jesse's attempt to pull her in for another kiss.

She hurries towards his bedroom door, completely blanking Jesse's string of questions, including 'what does this mean for us now?' because Beca honestly doesn't have an answer.

She doesn't know what anything means anymore.

Beca and Jesse had sex, it was a simple fuck. There was no love making involved and certainly no feelings, in Beca's opinion anyway. She doesn't love Jesse; she doesn't even like him.

But Jesse is safe. He likes her and he won't hurt her – he _can't_ hurt her, not like Chloe could.

In fact, Beca's pretty sure Chloe could destroy her.

* * *

Missed Call from Beca (2)

 **Beca [1:43PM] :** Chlo, can we talk?

 **Beca [1:46PM] :** Please. I'm sorry.

 **Beca [1:47PM] :** I don't like Jesse.

Missed Call from Beca

 **Beca [2:34PM] :** I hate arguing with you and I hate being the reason you're upset, please talk to me.

* * *

Chloe stares at her phone, the text messages from Beca displaying on the screen, it's been three hours since the last message came through and she still can't bring herself to reply. Even now she doesn't know what to say to Beca, earlier it had gotten pretty real – and heated. She hates arguing with Beca, but it is so frustrating when Beca refuses to acknowledge things even to herself.

Technically Beca hasn't done anything wrong but she knows that if she talks to her now, she'll say something out of anger that will only upset Beca and Chloe will most likely also end up being miserable too.

She clicks on the Facebook tab on her MacBook, pulling up the Barden Bellas Facebook page.

Chloe quickly writes a status and attaches a couple of pictures from their last performance. Once she posts it, she refreshes the page twice to make sure the post has no errors. Chloe returns to the home page to find a status posted only two minutes ago.

' ** _Jesse Swanson is in a relationship with Beca Mitchell_** ''

"Of course he made them Facebook official." Chloe mutters under her breath, her blood boiling as her eyes scan over the words again.

Chloe won't admit it, but she'd been secretly wishing she could make her and Beca Facebook official, because if it's on Facebook, it's real, right? It's practically shouting her love from the rooftops, perhaps not as romantic, but it's still something, which is better than whatever Beca and Chloe have now.

The endless loop of thoughts running through her mind are mostly occupied by Beca.

The girl is driving her crazy. Beca said she doesn't like Jesse, but now she's dating him. It just doesn't make any sense in Chloe's mind. Beca must have lied to her...again.

Normally the girl knows somewhat how her best friend is feeling a majority of the time, but right now Chloe doesn't even recognise who Beca is. This isn't like her at all, is it?

As much as she wants to be mad at Beca for choosing Jesse over her, she is Beca's best friend after all. She needs to be supportive of her no matter what because their friendship comes first. Always. She needs to push her feelings aside and focus solely on Beca, because she cares about Beca way more than she cares about herself. That's just who Chloe is.

Beca and Jesse are dating, so Chloe just needs to forget about her own feelings.

She tries to, granted it's only a few minutes before her mind is over taken with thoughts of the brunette, but she really tries to ignore the urge she has to run to Beca - to scream at her for being so stupid.

All Chloe needs to do is tell Beca to fuck Jesse and she does one better and gets into a relationship with him – she didn't think Beca would actually go and do it though. If she did then she would never have said that to her.

Chloe doesn't like the idea of Beca being with someone else, another person being with Beca when Chloe doesn't get the chance to have Beca the way she wants her. Chloe wants Beca – wants Beca to be hers – and there is no way she's just going to sit around and let Beca act the way she does, by letting the contact linger or smiling at Chloe for longer than friend's should. Because after she's had her fun with Chloe – flirting with her and looking at her in that way – she goes and fucks Jesse.

It makes Chloe so fucking angry.

Even though nothing particularly sexual has happened between the two girls, it doesn't stop Chloe from feeling like Beca is using her, she isn't sure why, but some days it feels like Beca is just using her for her own entertainment, flirting with her just to witness the reaction, then pretend like Chloe's feelings don't even matter.

The eldest of the two has voiced her thoughts, only to have them shoved back in her face by the brunette, simply because she is too afraid to acknowledge her own feelings.

Chloe doesn't need to look at the comments on the status update to know that the new couple are being congratulated and praised. Jesse's friends probably making comments on how he 'scored a good one' which only makes her angry. Beca is not his property, she doesn't belong to him. She wishes she could say she doesn't belong with him either, but she isn't so sure anymore.

Beca seems happy with Jesse, and all she's ever wanted is for Beca to be happy. When she first met the girl two years ago, she saw how unhappy she was to be at Barden and instantly wanted to fill her life with joy.

That's just who Chloe Beale is, but it's different with Beca. Everything is different with Beca. It's taken so long to get to this point, but Chloe is so sure of it now.

There's no point in denying it anymore. She's wholeheartedly in love with Beca Mitchell.

But she knows there's no way she can ever be with her. Beca is with Jesse now, and Chloe is all alone.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long to update, my head was a mess and I hated everything I wrote for this story.

Chloe was so sure something was happening between them. 

She thought Beca looked at her with the same love and compassion as she looked at Beca, but maybe she only saw what she wanted to see. 

Beca always appears at Chloe's side whenever her nodes are playing up. She can always tell when Chloe is moments away from spiralling and jumps in to save her. 

Maybe it's because Beca is her co-captain, and she's simply doing her part, but Chloe has always sought comfort from Beca turning up at her side, and choosing to stand beside her rather than another Bella. 

She nearly dismissed it as just amazing friendship, but the way Beca looks at her sometimes is like she is the only person in the entire world. The glances they share whilst singing together at Bellas rehearsals make it feel like they are singing _to_ each other, expressing their feelings through the lyrics of the song. 

And the way Beca has a reserved smile, just for Chloe. It's so much more than just a smile, and Chloe cherishes it every time it appears on her best friend's face. 

God. Chloe was so fucking sure. 

This isn't the first time Chloe has convinced herself that Beca feels the same as she does, but this time it felt so much more real, only it's all a blur - similar to a dream.

That is all this is. And all it ever will be. A dream. 

Chloe's wanted Beca for so long that she's turning the reality into a dream-like scenario, only to have it thrown back in her face. 

Once again, she just saw what she wanted to be true. 

She has always believed that Beca would be in her life forever – she's her best friend so it never even crossed her mind that Beca could potentially leave - or she could leave Beca. Of course they have their rough patches, every friendship does, but in their case, the rough patches tend to be harder than most. 

Their friendship comes with unrequited love (that isn't unrequited at all) and those complex feelings have made everything so much more difficult to figure out. 

Even with the added complications, Chloe still thought Beca would be in her future no matter what – even if it is just as friends. If that is the way it ends up then she'd get over her feelings, it wouldn't be easy but she'd put it behind her for the sake of their friendship. But now – god. Chloe doesn't even know. She wants Beca in her life, of course she does, but she isn't so sure that Beca feels the same. It has become abundantly clear that Beca doesn't want her, not even as a friend anymore. And it will just hurt too much to live with her by her side.

Chloe really doesn't know what to do - she can't bare the thought of living without Beca. She is her rock, her emotional support and her favourite person in the entire world. But continuing on, knowing that Beca doesn't want her - doesn't love her, will just be so hard.

Is it really worth all that pain?

So, like all the other times when Chloe is stuck on what to do, she picks up her phone and rings her best friend.

When in doubt call Aubrey Posen. 

Aubrey is the only person that Chloe has confided in regarding her feelings for Beca. At first Aubrey was convinced that Chloe's attraction towards the brunette was in the form of a crush, but over time she's witnessed the way Chloe looks at Beca, and she knows that Chloe's feelings go beyond a toner. She can see how much Chloe is in love with Beca. 

She answers the phone in her classic monotone voice. "It's Aubrey Posen."

Chloe groans at her friend's words, but the corners of her lips tug upwards even so. "You know it’s me, why do you answer the phone like that every time?"

"Sorry," Aubrey chuckles, and Chloe can practically see her shaking her head. "Hi, Chloe."

"Hey, Bree." Chloe replies. She falls back onto her bed, allowing her head to flop onto her mountain of pillows. 

Aubrey's response is instant. "Chloe? What’s wrong?"

The super-senior frowns, as she quickly backtracks her words, wondering what gave it away. "How did you do that?" She asks after a beat, "How do you always instantly know when there is something wrong?"

"I can hear it in your voice. I have known you for nearly five years, I know when something is bothering you."

"Oh." Chloe shuffles on her bed, moving to sit up against her headboard. She was hoping to be able to fit a normal conversation in before bringing up the whole Beca-Jesse situation, but Aubrey doesn't like to dance around the subject. 

Aubrey sighs, "So, talk to me. What happened?" 

Chloe used to be hesitant when talking to Aubrey about Beca, knowing they had their disagreements, but she knows that both of her best friends do get along really, they just squabble for the sake of it. So she doesn't hesitate or try to change the subject, there's no point in putting it off considering this is the entire reason for the phone call. 

"Beca and Jesse are dating.”

The redhead isn't quite sure what to expect in response from Aubrey, so when she finally speaks up, it isn't really surprising that her tone is filled with anger. Although, she doesn't sound very surprised at all. "I’m going to kill that fucking munchkin."

A shocked laugh leaves Chloe's mouth. "Bree." She whines. "You can't kill Beca. And she isn't a munchkin."

"Sorry." Aubrey says, "When did this happen?"

"Yesterday." Chloe doesn’t leave time for Aubrey to reply before she continues, "But Beca and I…we had a moment the other day."

The blonde sounds slightly confused. "A moment?" 

"We were performing Beyonce's ‘love on top’" Chloe begins, "and it was like we were singing to each other even though everyone else was there too. I was looking at her and she was looking at me. I practically told her I love her, and I…I thought we had a moment."

Aubrey takes a few seconds to process the new information before replying. "Then what happened?"

"I asked her about it. I told her how I was feeling, and she just shut me down. She doesn’t want me, Bree."

Chloe and Aubrey talk (Chloe cries a bit) for the rest of the morning until Aubrey excuses herself to finish getting the bear traps set up at the retreat. 

* * *

Her usual spot on campus remained empty all morning due to the fact that Beca was avoiding everyone. She didn't want to be seen by anyone, and have them mistake her decency for an invitation to join her. She could say that there's no specific person that she's hiding from, but that would be a lie. 

**Jesse [12:25 PM] :** Hey Beca, what are your plans for tonight? Want to watch a movie?

Beca groans as she reads the message notification. She watched The Breakfast Club with him one time and now he thinks he’s suddenly turned her hatred for movies upside down. She only sometimes likes watching movies, and that's only if a certain redhead is watching it too - preferably sitting close together, with some form of physical contact, even if it is just Chloe's feet in her lap.

Although Beca is avoiding Jesse, she's also hiding from Chloe. That doesn't seem like a hard task anymore considering how Chloe avoids her at all costs, but she doesn't want to experience another awkward encounter with her best friend/co-captain/unrequited lover. 

Just as Beca settles back against the tree and slots her headphones back over her ears, she's interrupted by two familiar voices. Even with her headphones on, she can hear the argument between them. 

"Burritos are better than burgers."

"I don't care. I vote we go to whichever place has the hottest guys."

As the voices get louder, she registers that they are heading towards her so she pulls her headphones off and sits them around her neck. 

"Sup, Shawshank." Fat Amy says as she slumps against the opposite tree. 

"Hey, Amy." Beca replies with a slight wave but her expression is bored. She picks up her phone when the screen lights up once again. Her gaze is quickly fixed on the screen of her phone, staring at Jesse's text. She quickly decides that she can't be bothered to deal with him today so she tosses her phone into her bag without responding. 

Beca makes a note to asses her choices - even _she_ knows that you shouldn't not want to spend time with your boyfriend just because you can't 'be bothered' to deal with them. Maybe relationships just aren't Beca's thing. 

The blonde nods, taking note of Beca's attitude, "Congrats on the treble." She flashes Beca a grin and it's returned with a small smile. 

Beca shifts her attention to Stacie, who is staring at her with a raised brow. "What’s up, Conrad?" Beca asks. 

The tall brunette turns to Amy, yet still glancing at Beca every few seconds, as if she's afraid that as soon as she takes her eyes off of her, she'll up and run. "Can you give me and Mitchie a few minutes?"

Amy glances between the two brunettes, questions burning in her mind, but she decides it's better not to ask why she's being sent away. So, she nods a little too enthusiastically. "Sure. I’ll grab our food. Can’t promise it'll still be here when you get back. Want anything, BM?"

Beca quickly declines the offer and Amy begins to make her way over to the food truck. 

She isn't even out of earshot when Stacie starts shouting. "What the hell, Beca?"

"God. You sound more like the aca-Nazi every day." Beca mumbles, but the taller brunette catches onto her words and her face crumbles into a frown. 

Beca is known to be sarcastic, occasionally moody, and maybe a little rude at times, but even Stacie is shocked by how she's acting. She has no care for the consequences of her words. And that just isn't Beca.

"What is your problem?" Stacie asks, not hesitating to get to the point. 

"My problem?" Beca repeats, her eyebrows shooting up and a tight smirk forming on her lips. "You’re the one running over here and yelling at me."

Stacie frowns once again, taking a step back to really look at Beca. The frown on her face is almost constant, and she looks as if she's about to burst into tears at any minute. But Beca doesn't cry. Like...ever. 

If Beca was happy then maybe Stacie wouldn't mind her attitude so much, but it's clear that the small brunette is unhappy - miserable even, and she is just being rude to everyone to make herself feel better. 

It's clear that Beca isn't happy, so what is she doing with Jesse if he doesn't make her happy?

"You were almost at the point of confessing your love to a girl and then a few days later you're dating Jesse? Beca, seriously, what are you doing?"

"I was just drunk the other night." Beca shrugs, as if it's enough of an explanation. She doesn't want to assess her actions because that would involve diving deeper into her feelings, and at this point, the last thing she wants to do is actually feel anything at all.

When Stacie doesn't say anything in response, Beca tilts her head to look up at the taller girl. They instantly lock eyes and Beca is met with an intimidating, yet blank expression. Stacie is waiting for additional explanation, but Beca doesn't know what to say. "It didn't mean anything." She adds, then shifts her gaze back to the ground. 

She regrets her words before they even left her mouth. It did mean something. In fact, it meant everything. 

Her mind drifts back to the conversation she shared with Chloe yesterday morning.

_"I'm just so stressed out lately, I didn't mean to snap at you." Beca adds, frowning at her crappy attempt of an apology._

_"It's okay."_

_"No, it's not, I've been treating you like shit lately, like you're nothing, but...you're not nothing."_

_The redhead's lips quirk upwards into a smile. "Okay," She repeats._

_"No," Beca tries again, "I mean, you're not nothing to me, you're pretty much everything to me."_

Of course it meant something to her because Chloe means something to her. Something way more than friends, or even best friends. Chloe means everything to her, because Chloe _is_ everything. 

"I don't believe that," Stacie replies, running a hand through her hair, "and neither do you."

Beca still doesn’t know what to believe, but she knows Stacie is right. 

Instead of agreeing with her, like her brain is fighting for her to do, she simply focuses on the spot of grass, trying to hold back her tears, not wanting Stacie to witness a breakdown. 

She doesn't offer a response so Stacie continues. "Beca you can't do this. You can't be in a relationship with Jesse when you have feelings for someone else. It's not fair on him and not you either, you can't lie to everyone. You can't lie to yourself because I know you don't want Jesse."

After a few seconds of silence on her part, Beca shrugs, she clenches her eyes tight, so Stacie can't see the tears in her eyes. "But I can't have her."

"That doesn't make what you're doing okay," Stacie replies, a little softer. 

She knows Beca is close to crying - she can hear it in her voice, and that makes her want to slap some sense into her and tell her how much of an idiot she's being. Of course Stacie doesn't know everything that is on the little DJ's mind but she knows that Beca doesn't really want to be with Jesse. She doesn't want to sound rude but if Beca is upset, she only really has herself to blame. Nobody forced her into the relationship with Jesse.

Beca continues to bow her head, avoiding Stacie's pointed gaze whilst attempting to compose herself. She doesn't want to be seen as weak so she blinks away the unshed tears. 

Jesse has always been a kind of safe base for Beca. He's been there for her since the start of their freshman year, and never gave up trying to be her friend. She found that rather annoying at first. He was constantly around, making her feel suffocated, but at the same time, she knew she could trust him. So she slowly began to open up to him, not as much as she has with Chloe, but more than anyone else in her life. He's never run from her, so she doesn't feel the need to flee from him either. 

But Jesse is...Jesse. She can't love him. 

"I like Jesse." Beca says, her voice small, and not at all confident. 

Beca swears she heard a small snort from Stacie, which confirms how stupid she just sounded. 

They don't seem to be getting anywhere close to where Stacie had hoped this conversation would lead them. Her words just aren't getting through to Beca. But she isn't giving up just yet. 

"Do you? Honestly? Because you said you loved her. _Love_ , Beca. Love isn’t just some silly thing you throw away because you’re afraid."

“Don’t you think I know that?" The smaller brunette snaps. 

Feelings are hard for Beca. From a young age she was taught that ignoring her feelings were better than experiencing the pain that came with them. But she knows she can't ignore her feelings anymore, she needs to sack up and face the consequences. 

Too frustrated to remain seated, Beca clambers onto her feet, dropping her headphones onto her bag in the motion. 

Stacie doesn't converse anything else because she knows that Beca has more to say. She just needs to give her a minute to think over her words. 

"Who are you to tell me what love is anyway? Since when are you all loved up?" Beca fires at Stacie bitterly. 

The taller girl swallows, evidently trying to hold back her bite. "Don’t even try to turn this around on me." She says in a calm tone. 

It isn't that Stacie isn't bothered by Beca's words, it's just easier to pretend like it isn't adding to her own rage. She can see that her words are finally being acknowledged by Beca, and if she needs to get angry in order to process them then she will hold back her own anger. She just wants Beca to figure out what she truly wants because she hates seeing her friend so upset all the time. 

Beca shrugs, and releases a huff of breath. "Whatever." She mumbles, simply because she can't process her thoughts long enough to even form a sentence. But Stacie's words stick in her brain. 

_You said you loved her._

Love is a strong word, but she's beginning to understand it now. 

Beca is a stranger to love. Even growing up she rarely experienced love. Her parents were constantly arguing and faking their happiness, perhaps they loved each other once upon a time but she can't remember ever hearing them tell them they love each other - or her for that matter. 

She doesn't completely understand love. 

She's witnessed 'love' in some romance movies but they were cliche and not at all realistic, they only tell a story of what people want to see, not what love actually is. That is part of the reason why her hated towards movies is so strong. They're predictable and terribly cliche. 

No one has ever actually loved Beca - not even her parents - so she doesn't exactly know how to let someone love her. 

Beca hasn't ever been in love. She's never even loved herself. The word itself frightens the hell out of her. 

Truthfully, she's scared that she's only pretending to love Chloe, or that she's confusing her feelings of lust for love. If she's never experienced love, how is she meant to know how it feels?

"You have to be honest with yourself, Beca." Stacie says. 

The smaller brunette runs a hand through her hair, tugging at it slightly to attempt to ease the stress.

Jesse is a decent guy, which, she supposes, is why she accepted his dating request on Facebook. He's the type of guy that her father will like. "He's a nice guy." She admits. 

"Nice? Beca, seriously? Nice compared to beautiful?"

She doesn't know why she's still denying it. She doesn't like Jesse. He's predictable, boring and rather cliche. Chloe, on the other hand, is spontaneous, exciting and quite an adventure. 

"Just leave it." Beca mutters, willing for the conversation to end, or for Amy to return and whisk Stacie away. 

Before Stacie turns to walk away, she offers Beca a smile. "Alright, but really think about this, Beca, really think about what you want."

The leggy brunette eventually disappears out of Beca's view. She collapses back to the ground, leaning against the tree and reaching for her headphones to shove them over her ears again. 

Beca knows what she wants and she works her ass off until she gets it. 

Although it hasn't always been a clear path, Beca has never given up on the things she wants. She's known for years that she wants to become a music producer, so she worked in the campus radio station and the internship at residential heat, hoping it would lead her closer to achieving her dream. She worked hard because she had to, it was the only way to ensure her a place in the music industry. 

Beca's always known that a part of her heart belongs with music. 

Another thing she's always known is that an even bigger part of her heart belongs with Chloe. 

Without Chloe, Beca wouldn't stand a chance. The only reason Beca joined the Bellas was because of Chloe - the naked girl walking into her shower and demanding her to sing for her. But Chloe was also the gorgeous redhead from the activities fair that had flashed her a smile and made her feel safe for the first time in years. Without Chloe, Beca wouldn't have joined the Bellas, found a family of her own, or be where she is today. 

Instead she would have probably ended up being recruited by The High Notes, spending her days unmotivated and lying around on campus smoking. 

Without Chloe in her life she would have given up on her dream years ago. Chloe is the person that motivates her everyday, encourages her to put herself out there and to be the best version of herself.

Beca knows what she wants and she works her ass off until she gets it. But this is different. This is Chloe. 

_You have to be honest with yourself, Beca._

_Beca, really think about you want._

Beca truly knows she doesn't want Jesse. She only slept with him because of Chloe.

She thought they were finally going to kiss yesterday morning when Chloe found her at their spot. But in the moment that her phone went off, it had hit her that she could never be what Chloe wants - what she deserves, because she simply isn't enough.

Beca wants to kiss Chloe, to admit that maybe, just maybe, she's been in love with her for two years. But she remembers the way Chloe looked away in instant regret and how her heart had ached.

However, there was a moment of hope during the Bellas rehearsal when everyone was singing 'Love On Top' and she glanced over at Chloe to find her already looking back at her. During the entire performance their eyes never drifted from the other.

She loved the way Chloe was swinging her hips, running her hands down her body and singing to her with so much passion. 

_Baby, 'cause you're the one that I love._

Chloe's voice is her favourite sound in the entire world. 

She wants Chloe. It's all so clear now. Granted, she's always known, but now she knows how much she has to lose. She doesn't want to lose Chloe - she can't - it would fucking kill her. 

Beca was afraid of being hurt so she wasn't allowing herself to feel anything, but being away from Chloe even just for a day is hard. She doesn't even want to imagine what it would be like long term. 

_What we have, it's...it's not what friends are supposed to be like._

Chloe admitted it too - Beca had just shut her down yesterday, but she's starting to realise that Chloe wouldn't have said that if she didn't feel it too. Chloe feels it too, right?

She reminisces the way Chloe's voice cracked when she told Beca to _have fun fucking Jesse._

"God, I'm so fucking stupid." Beca cries into her hands. 

She absolutely despises herself for what she did. Why in the hell did she have to fuck Jesse?

Had she simply done it because Chloe had told her to? Or did she do it as a way of getting back at Chloe for confusing her feelings?

But she can't blame Chloe. Beca did it on her own accord, and she can only blame herself. 

* * *

Beca returns to the Bellas house at the same time as Chloe is leaving clad in gym gear. 

The brunette physically stumbles as her eyes scan over Chloe's body, hovering on her abs for a moment longer. 

The redhead catches her eye and sends a smirk in her direction, before picking up speed and running off in the opposite direction. 

Beca is bi, but ever since she's acknowledged her feelings for Chloe, it's like her sexuality is strictly Chloe-sexual. 

She knows she has to end it with Jesse. 

They’ve only been together for just over a day but she knows it will definitely puncture his ego. 

* * *

After returning from her run, Chloe hasn't left her room. She doesn't want to face Beca again so she's hiding out amongst her Russian lit text books. She's been at it for hours but she hasn't even consumed a word. 

Chloe is close to giving up when her bedroom door swings open and Stacie strides in. She takes one look at the redhead and lets out a laugh. 

"Come on. Get your ass up." Stacie collects the text books surrounding Chloe and tosses them onto the bed. 

"What? Where are we going?" Chloe groans, but she still jumps up from the floor and places down the rest of her school supplies. 

Stacie walks over to Chloe's closet and scans the contents for a few minutes before pulling out a dark emerald sparkly dress. "To the club. You should wear this. It's hot."

Chloe takes the dress from Stacie and examines it closely. She briefly remembers Beca complimenting this dress when she wore it on a night out with the Bellas. "I think I’ll just stay home tonight." 

"I'm sorry I can't let you do that." Stacie says, "Posen's orders," She adds with a smirk.

Chloe smirks at the mention of her friends name because she knows about Aubrey and Stacie's secret hookups. Aubrey is still yet to admit it but Stacie doesn't bother to hide her facial expressions whenever Beca or Chloe make a comment on it. 

It's quite fitting that Aubrey is still running things even though she isn't in Barden anymore. 

Chloe doesn't argue with Stacie because she likes to believe that her best friend knows what is best for her, and if she thinks that a night out will be good for her then she'll do it. Either that or she's just so used to Aubrey bossing her around that she doesn't even mind anymore. 

A loud bang is heard from just outside the room and within seconds the door swings open. "Let’s go ac the world." Fat Amy yells. 

* * *

It's been a while since Beca's seen her British friend, the former manager of the Barden campus radio station has recently taken up travelling but returned to Barden earlier today. 

Beca isn't a huggy person, but she can't help fall into Luke's embrace as he approaches her with his arms wide open. 

"Hey, Becky." Luke says, once they have broken apart.

"I still can't believe you managed to get me this gig." Beca says. 

The blond chuckles. "You better not fuck up or they'll be pissed at me." He's only teasing - he has confidence in Beca's ability, which is why he didn't hesitate to call her when a DJ slot opened up. 

"Got it. No fuck ups." Beca laughs, and Luke reciprocates it. 

Luke's screen lights up so he glances down at it. A toothy grin appears on his face as he looks back up at Beca. 

"You ready to rock the world, kid?" He asks her. 

Beca nods as a goofy smile takes over her face. "So fucking ready dude."

She lets out a shaky breath, ridding herself of all her pent up nerves before taking a step forward and following Luke through the back door of the club. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me, the good shit is coming very soon :D


End file.
